know means no
we want to say no
but we don’t know how
cuz it’s too hard to know
who to say no to
cuz no one is listening
and everyone is yellering
and no one knows
who to say yes to
Couples Coaching
Couples Coaching – by Jill Candlish
I’ve just completed my training as a Certified Relationship Coach through Dr. Wyatt Fisher’s online course and supervised practicum. Working with this licensed Psychologist and Marriage counsellor was a follow up to earning my Masters degree a few years ago with my thesis focused on how to sustain long term vibrancy in romantic relationships. I have long been passionate about this topic and am very happy to announce that I’m ready to work with couples who want to improve their romantic lives.
I have been married for over 40 years and know that seeking help with relationship work is extremely valuable in supporting and sustaining a vibrant partnership. It’s my experience that creating a stronger, more loving and fulfilling primary relationship enhances all other areas of life, and tends to naturally bring more ease to other challenges as well.
It’s important to note that coaching is not therapy, and does not delve deeply into psychological support and healing the way counselling does. Coaching sessions are for couples who have a solid intention to create a better romantic relationship and need more support, tools, techniques and acquisition of skills to do so. It’s action-based, and often gets some quick results. Setting an intention to take the time to learn and practise these new tools is key to initiating improvement.
If we want to stay happily partnered, it’s essential to be aware of the typical patterns that confront us and cause problems. When we learn to use effective tools to increase our understanding and develop new habits and skills, we strengthen our love bond. Focusing on improving our rapport and communication dynamics can shift us into moving beyond dis-connecting behaviours and towards a more fulfilling connection. Working with a Couples Coach can inspire us to be accountable and take the time our marriage needs in order to continue to deepen in a meaningful way.
So if you’re interested in a Couples Coaching session, or a women’s individual coaching session, get in touch. Everything we discuss in our sessions is confidential of course, and I’m willing to work out a payment, trade/service exchange agreement that works for each of us. I am available by email or text for scheduling a session on Hornby Island, or online. I look forward to working with you.
Email – jillcandlish@hotmail.com Text – 250-218-8372
Cereal
Cereal
by Mr. Unknown
“Oh no, I’ll be late!”
“What shall I do?!”
Dig in to a box of cereal
Already opened or new
We all have our favorite brand
Sugary or healthy
At every shop or supermarket
The choice is up to me!
It has great taste
As you gobble it down
The way you eat it
Makes you look like a clown
Shake it into a bowl
Eat it up right away
Now you’re ready for the day
Hip, hip, hooray!
No Space For Hate…
No Space For Hate…
Not long after my last Publisher’s Note from our Jan.25th issue, a well intentioned local took to Denman social media in hopes of rallying support for this 32 year old community paper. News of The Islands Grapevine’s (TIG’s) possible demise led them to make a post imploring people to brainstorm ideas that might help steady the fortunes of a small business and the jobs it supports.
Suggestions ran the gamut from putting out a jar at the Recycling Centre all the way over to organizing a bake sale. In truth, of the over 300 comments registered, those were the ONLY suggestions. Such is the spirit of our local social media that swaddles itself in a colourful flag emblazoned with a rather ironic declaration of holding, “No Space for Hate.” That well intentioned local managed to escape with their life, just barely.
Aside from mine own, the remaining commentary coming from fewer than 2 dozen participants within the thread focussed on ripping the paper, its editorial policy or further insisting TIG was printing transphobia.
I was even publicly offered some business advice given my seeming inability to plan for the inevitable ebbs and flows of the season.
Two things I will say to this:
Firstly, I refuse to start a GoFundMe to prop up this paper’s prospects, unlike the individual offering said advice has resorted to on occasion.
Either the business makes sense financially or it doesn’t. It’s beneath me to ask for handouts.
And secondly, for 5 years of ‘ebb and flow’ it HAS made marginal sense, but a year long advertising boycott headed up by several taxpayer funded island non-profits led me to conclude otherwise in sharing with TIG readers where matters currently stand.
When I pressed for evidence of transphobia I was met with; “There are directly transphobic statements in this article, but I’m not going to quote them here because I don’t want to give them airspace.” Judge, Jury and Executioner. Mmkay.
The justification employed for this ongoing boycott infers that “transphobia” was contained in a piece written by a woman who discussed her sexual assault and trauma by referencing a government website that said there were some cis males (a person who identified as male following being assigned as male at birth) who had been convicted of raping women, who were attempting to be put in a women’s prison by identifying as a trans woman. This, in no way, was intended to suggest that trans women were dangerous in women’s prisons, or anywhere else. As the study from that government website noted, some men are attempting to game the system because rapists are vulnerable in a man’s prison and are only perceived as just above a child abuser in the prison hierarchy.
I will take this moment to categorically state The Islands Grapevine opposes transphobia and all bigotry and would never publish bigoted material. To suggest otherwise is simply insulting to my intelligence. I understand saying this much will have no effect on an unmoderated social media board where ideology clouds reading comprehension but I feel it needs to be said for the sake of our readers nonetheless.
As we’ve covered previously, our issue is related to a publicly contracted employee weaponizing tax funded advertising dollars in attempts to extort an editorial policy change by withholding ad buys based on their own personal politics. Citing this claim of “transphobia” as their reasoning. Upon receiving this threat in late July we looked into matters further to learn they had already been withholding advertising funds for a full two months prior to the “offending” article in question. It was further confirmed in discovering that they had continued to buy ads in Hornby publications during this timeframe. The truth of the matter is TIG has seen a boycott of advertising ever since it published dissenting views on Covid, so we’re kinda used to it by now. Yet not once in the intervening years has our 1250 strong circulation had to listen to me complain about it. NOT ONCE. I understood it came with the territory. To be incessantly reminded on our local bulletin board how, “advertisers are free to choose where they spend their ad dollars” (as though this had never occurred to me) is another weak attempt to deflect from the issue at hand. Written threats to extort a private business with taxpayer monies is a bully move. Straight up. One that TIG has called out and will not back down from. Its editorial policy stands.
We’ve tried to settle all of this privately a few times, and in each instance we were rebuffed. The most recent effort was to accept a proposed mediation process from the CVRD. The other parties rejected it and to this day the smears of TIG continue on the Denman Island Bulletin Board.
On the other hand, we’ve received a tremendous amount of private support from people who are afraid to speak up publicly for fear that these same bullies will come after them.
We’ve also received support from people who have sent us letters to publish and we thank them for doing so.
Of their own volition, a petition crafted and circulated by Hornby Islanders in support of TIG’s editorial policies has garnered 165 signatures and counting. This petition has been forwarded on to the relevant parties with the CVRD and is included as an insert in this week’s issue for our Denman circulation with the intent of adding to that number. Thank you to our Hornby Island readers! I’m moved that you would take such initiative.
Alternatively, you can send us letters of support and also write to Denman Works and the CVRD at the following email addresses to voice your concerns:
CVRD General Manager of Community Services, Doug Demarzo ddemarzo@comoxvalleyrd.ca
CVRD Area A Director Daniel Arbour
reachme@danielarbour.ca
DenmanWorks Chair Anthony Gregson
In the meantime please enjoy Issue #1621!
Letter to the Editor – Susan Sperrer
“Liberty is meaningless where the right to utter one’s thoughts and opinions has ceased to exist” – Frederick Douglas
It’s very disappointing that some people are putting the screws to a magazine made excellent by its willingness to support any person’s view via Freedom of Speech – an important and fundamental right supported by Section 2 of our Charter.
Freedom of speech has created democracy, given rights to women, abolished slavery, established marriage equality, etc., and is practiced freely in our House of Commons. Yet somehow, for TIG, freedom of speech has become unacceptable. Had TIG inserted ads and stories endorsing alcohol and pharmaceuticals to support Mike’s efforts, no one would blink an eye. Now let’s do some comparisons…
- Globally, deaths from Covid since 2020 has amounted to 7.3 million according to W.H.O.
- Global annual deaths from alcohol consumption is 3 million. It also comes with the added effects including harm to family, friends, co-workers and strangers via intentional or unintentional injuries caused by vehicular accidents, rage, violence, suicide, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, mental health issues, tuberculosis and HIV. Then take into account DALY (disability adjusted life years) – this amount is staggering!
- The third leading cause of death after heart disease and cancer is attributed to side effects from prescription drugs (nim.nih.gov)
- Global annual deaths attributed to tobacco, alcohol and drugs totals 8.71 million!
So consider this – when you purchase or view such media as magazines, newspapers and television endorsing alcohol or pharmaceuticals, you contribute to the above stats, Covid aside. Shouldn’t this then also enter into censorship or should it remain in the arena of hypocrisy? Do you get the drift? TIG merely prints viewpoints as any good rag should and you should take it or leave it. Just don’t crucify.
Susan Sperrer
Denman Seniors Lunch Feb 21….in the Back Hall at noon
Denman Seniors Lunch Feb 21….in the Back Hall at noon by Kathy Rieder
Well, our team of volunteers are getting pretty good at turning the Back Hall into a trendy bistro complete with entertainment. The hall is nice and warm, and the soup, both vegetarian and meat based are delicious. Our musical entertainment this month is going to be a sing-a-long, with David Haywood providing the words on a screen and great guitar accompaniment. I am sure this will leave our guests smiling. We invite all seniors to come along, and you are sure to leave feeling warm and fuzzy about our wonderful community. I always do.
Admission is by donation
If you need to be picked up or you can pick someone up, please call me Kathy 250-335-0559
Continuing To Support Israel At This Point Just Means You’re A Garbage Human Being
Notes From The Edge Of The Narrative Matrix
Listen to a reading of this article (reading by Tim Foley):
I am so fucking done with people handwringing about October 7 while Israel has been October 7ing the Gazans every day since.
❖
Four months. This has been happening for four months. If you’re still supporting Israel after four months of atrocities, then you’re just a shitty human being. After four months you’ve lost any possible claim to have overreacted to October 7 in the emotional heat of the moment, and this is just who you are as a person.
❖
If you can even excuse genocide to justify your continuing support for a nation or political party, then you can excuse literally anything. There is absolutely nothing the leaders of your political faction could possibly do that would cause you to stop supporting them. If this isn’t your red line, then you don’t have any red lines.
What this means is that your politics are not actually guided by any interest in truth or ethics; they are guided solely and exclusively by arbitrary team loyalty. You cheer for your side for the exact same reason someone born in Texas cheers for the Dallas Cowboys. You might make up some grander reasons for your support which involve appeals to truth and morality, but you’ve made a liar of yourself and proved those reasons false by the fact that you are currently excusing an actual, literal genocide.
❖
Israel was always headed for this point. It’s been on the trajectory toward this moment in history from its very inception. The horrors we are seeing in Gaza were baked in from the beginning. The trigger was pulled generations ago, and only now has the bullet properly landed.
This is what Israel is. This is what Israel has always been. It’s impossible to support Israel without also supporting its genocidal atrocities in Gaza, because there is no “Israel” separable from the factors which have given rise to those atrocities; trying to separate the two is an exercise in fantasy. A hypothetical Israel that wouldn’t have done what Israel is currently doing would be unrecognizable from the Israel of today. It wouldn’t even make sense to call it by the same name.
Israel was intended as a colonialist outpost of western powers from the very beginning to bludgeon the populations of west Asia into compliance with the interests of the global north, and that’s what it has been from day one. This genocide isn’t a freakish aberration in Israel’s way of being but the ultimate manifestation of it. The infernal sprouts we are now seeing arise from seeds that were planted long before most of us were even born.
❖
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Responding to accusations of atrocities and genocide by babbling about Hamas is stupid and nonsensical. Everyone who has ever committed genocide believed they had valid reasons for doing so. Everyone who’s ever committed genocide believed they were doing it to protect themselves.
Responding to condemnation of Israel’s actions by talking about Hamas is just saying “No no you don’t understand, we’re not like those evil bad guys who’ve committed genocide in the past: we have REASONS for doing what we’re doing!” Which is what everyone else who has committed genocide in the past would have told you as well.
If you have to keep justifying something, it’s probably not very just. Stop flailing around trying to justify obvious atrocities with a bunch of verbiage about what someone else did and get real with yourself for once in your fucking life.
❖
100 percent of Israel apologia is just people making up reasons why it’s righteous and justified to do something evil and unforgivable.
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Israel apologists are like, “You don’t support genocide? What are you, a Nazi?”
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On social media there’s no good reason not to immediately block someone who openly advertises their support for Israel and Zionism. For me it’s like being approached by a stranger at a party with a card on their forehead that says “I have a bad personality and am incapable of real conversation.”
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It’s so fascinating how empire propaganda herds the public into two mainstream political factions and then gets them both cheering for the empire’s actions but for different reasons. Liberals are propagandized into cheering for the imperial war machine because humanitarianism and sovereignty and anti-fascism and self-defense, while rightists are propagandized into cheering for the imperial war machine because yeehaw we’re in charge fuck them commies and Arabs.
The specific narratives for why they’re cheering for the imperial war machine might be different, and even the specific agendas they support are often different as well — liberals are more amenable to hostilities with Russia while rightists are more amenable to hostilities with China, for example. But the end result is that they’re both kept cheerleading for the relentless forward march of the war machine.
It’s a really incredible feat of social engineering. It would inspire awe if it wasn’t so damn evil.
____________
My work is entirely reader-supported, so if you enjoyed this piece here are some options where you can toss some money into my tip jar if you want to. Go here to buy paperback editions of my writings from month to month. All my work is free to bootleg and use in any way, shape or form; republish it, translate it, use it on merchandise; whatever you want. The best way to make sure you see the stuff I publish is to subscribe to the mailing list on Substack, which will get you an email notification for everything I publish. All works co-authored with my husband Tim Foley.
Bitcoin donations: 1Ac7PCQXoQoLA9Sh8fhAgiU3PHA2EX5Zm2
The Summer Gallery 2024
The Summer Gallery 2024
Calling all Denman Artists. Once more the Summer Gallery Committee is looking for Artists to fill the Gallery with amazing artwork for our visitors and local community to enjoy.
This year we have already been approached by some local artists and it is time for everyone to put in formal proposals.
The Gallery season will open on June 6th and continue until September 3rd. During this time we are looking for shows by single artists and groups of two or more to fill the Gallery with a variety of media: paintings, pottery, photographs, sculpture and any other art forms. to provide an exciting mixture of work.
We have many new artists on the island now and we are particularly interested in helping them become more well known. To this end we provides lots of publicity, an Opening night, with wine, to provide an opportunity for artists to speak about their work and a Curator to help set up the show.
All you need to do is grab a proposal package from Abraxas in the Arts Denman box, or send your completed proposal to Andrew at andyfis@hotmail.com.
If anyone needs further information please call Judith Scruton at 250 335 2069 or any one on the Summer Art Gallery Committee. The closing date for proposals is March 29th and the committee will meet on April 2nd to review the proposals.
We look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sometimes Date Bread
Sometimes Date Bread Sally Campbell
Sometimes it’s just too discouraging to write about the failures of the West in actively supporting what we claim to oppose – from the clearly documented Apartheid in the State of Israel to the ongoing ethnic cleansing in Gaza. That we continue to provide cover for a State under investigation for genocide by the International Court of Justice, that we withdraw funding to UNRWA, the only agency in a position to provide humanitarian assistance to the suffering in Gaza. That we withdraw funding on the basis of yet another unsubstantiated claim by the Israeli propaganda machine. That we look the other way when according to the UN, 80% of the world’s hungry are huddled and terrified in a place the size of Texada Island.
How have we become so disconnected? Why are we so worried that a student at Harvard may feel “unsafe” hearing a pro-Palestinian speaker when Israel is well into the 4th month of an utterly mad and murderous rampage, incited by its elected leaders, supposedly in the name of Jewish “security”?
Why do we continue to hear news stories (vetted by the Israeli military) about October 7th , citing “atrocities” by Hamas (beheadings, burnings, babies in ovens, rapes) that have been exposed as outright lies or left completely unsubstantiated? Why would we believe fake videos of finding tunnels under a Gazan child’s desk leading to some unseen weapons cache? Or the recording by Israelis of “Hamas” (ooops, wrong accent) planning to destroy one of Gaza’s beleagured hospitals? Why would we believe anything uttered by the Israeli government or its soul-destroyed military?
We know they have been lying since Zionists said they’d accept the 1948 Partition Plan. David ben Gurion privately made clear to his own people that the Plan, (allocating 55% of historic Palestine for a Jewish state despite their owning only 5.8% of the land at the time), was just a start. (Ilan Pappe, The Ethnic Cleansing of Palestine, 2006)
Why indeed. Each of us could ask ourselves these questions and ask: why do we in the West look away? The current trajectory is extremely disheartening, and one that Dr. Gabor Mate recently indicated may go down as the biggest mistake ever made in Jewish history. (YouTube talk among Gabor, Daniel & Aaron Mate, Feb.7th, 2024.)
Holding these thoughts and hard realities is weighty; we can’t remain steadfast and engaged, working for a world of freedom, justice & dignity for all, without doing the self-care necessary for well-being. To me that means gratitude for our abundance, noticing and savouring the small joys of life.
In that vein, I’ll offer a simple recipe for comfort food made with delectable Palestinian dates from the Jordan Valley, the 2023 crop miraculously having arrived in Canada the other day, soon to be arriving on Denman & Hornby when you place your orders!
Banana-Date-Coconut Bread
(I use organic ingredients as much as possible)
1 C (8) Palestinian dates, chopped
1 C coconut flakes
2 C whole wheat flour 1 tsp. baking powder 1/2 tsp. salt
2 large ripe bananas, chopped 1/3 C butter
1/4 C brown sugar 1 C buttermilk
1 tsp. almond or vanilla extract
2 eggs
Cream butter and sugar, add rest of wet ingredients and mix. Mix together dry ingredients. Add and mix bananas.
Combine all and bake @ 350 in an oiled loaf pan for 30-40 minutes. Delicious warm or cold for breakfast, coffee/tea time or dessert.
May you savour it.
Shortages in the Land of Plenty – The Dark Triad
Shortages in the Land of Plenty
The Dark Triad
There are a number of diagnosed personality disorders, covering a broad range of traits, that contribute to social toxicity. They are grouped into three categories – clusters A, B and C with cluster B disorders being the most destructive. Cluster B includes the psychopaths, malignant narcissists and machiavellian types. A common term being applied to the trio of malevolent styles is the Dark Triad. The Dark Triad collectively makes up about 7% of the population and they are all around us.
People with dark triad personality traits may exhibit:
- an unhealthy fascination with themselves
- lack of empathy and respect for others
- a preoccupation with obtaining power by any means
- manipulation and lying
- stealing and potentially criminal behavior
- violence or explosive anger
- violating social norms, especially around empathy
- lack of remorse for any harm caused
- arrogance
- a need for praise and attention
Present day politicians appear to have many of these traits including a strong desire for dominance over others. Even though they can appear incredibly charming, they are almost always authoritarian and follow hardline policies. They try to subvert democracy, reduce the freedom of the press and clamp down on dissent. They are obsessed with prestige, often persecute minority groups and rely on classic divide and conquer techniques for control. They are always corrupt and lacking in moral principles.
They don’t become leaders because of their ability or intelligence but simply because they have a tremendous desire for power and are ruthless in their pursuit of it. Honest politicians are easily marginalized in this environment. Dark Triad personalities are “social predators and like all predators, they are looking for feeding grounds. Wherever you get power, prestige and money, you will find them” Dr. Robert Hare, forensic Canadian psychologist and creator of the Hare Psychopathy Checklist.
Justin Trudeau is the subject of ongoing worldwide disdain and his actions during the Trucker’s protest of 2022 have been widely condemned. A recent ruling (January, 2024) by the Federal Court states that “The Liberal government’s decision to invoke the Emergencies Act in response to the 2022 Freedom Convoy protests was unreasonable, unjustified and violated the Charter.” Trudeau incited Canadians to support his actions by convincing them that the peaceful protest was dangerous. The now infamous image of a Nazi flag was displayed repeatedly on national media in order to inflame the public. A big issue for Trudeau was that no one actually saw the flag at the protests in spite of hundreds of thousands of Canadians (most armed with camera phones) attending. Significant cash rewards were offered to anyone who witnessed the flag. No one came forward. The flag was almost certainly a plant. Dirty tricks such as this are ridiculously easy to pull off and are classic Dark Triad political ploys. Trudeau relied on the image for months afterward and the courts have recognized that Trudeau used the media to demonize innocent Canadians. Political prisoners still languish in prisons in this country – held without charge after two years.
In September, a former Ukrainian Nazi SS officer was somehow honoured in parliament. The speaker of the House, Anthony Rota took the fall for the scandal and Trudeau claimed he knew nothing about it. A Freedom of Information request revealed last week that the invitation actually came directly from Trudeau! It seems that Trudeau cannot admit fault. What kind of person flaunts nazism in the most hallowed of Canadian institutions and then lies about it?
People with narcissistic and psychopathic traits have a strong desire for dominance and are disproportionately common in leadership positions. We know that politicians are rarely loved, admired or respected for long. Their grandiose sense of self-worth initially comes across as confident and strong – features we look for in leaders. It isn’t until their true nature leaks out that we realize how ruthless and manipulative they are. They often capitalize on their position to benefit themselves and people within their inner circle. Justin Trudeau’s net worth when he took office was $1.2 million. A recent update shows it at $128 million!
Is the world we are experiencing today dominated by a team of Dark Triad leaders? Forever wars and the destruction of whole nations are easy for these leaders if it advances their personal agendas. What can we do? We must educate ourselves about the reality of what we are dealing with. How can we protect our political systems and prevent dominance by deviant personalities capable of charming any average person who isn’t aware? Dr Robert Hare has asserted that even after decades of studying them, he is still fooled by them. There is no political system safe from their influence and they are largely untreatable.
There is some good news though. In recent years, advances in neuroscience and medical imagery show clear anomalous brain patterns, unique to various toxic personality disorders. It is within our ability to predict from brain scans, who might be unsuitable for the extremely important jobs of our elected officials. There are virtually no restrictions or prerequisites for individuals running for leadership roles in Canada today. Perhaps a diagnostic brain scan could be implemented to screen candidates – for the greater good.
“Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times.” G. Michael Hopf