Shucking Oysters: When Nature Calls
By Alex Allen
Thunder buckets. Super bowls. Portable potties. No matter what you call them or where you use them – at festivals, construction sites, and even ferry terminals – we all hate them. At the Hornby terminal our porta-potties are to address the overflow. On Denman it seems, to address the no-flow. And at the Co-op parking lot – our canary in the coal mine – we used to have four summer portables, now we need ten. Whether we like it or not, they clearly are a part of our lives. But do they have to be so unattractive and utilitarian? Do they have to make us feel even more apologetic about our shameful functions?
When it comes to the form and character of public toilet design we have barely evolved. And the portables are the worst. They are mean-spirited cubicles designed to trigger all our vulnerabilities. These 90” x 43” glorified urinals were designed for optimum speed and efficiency – but for the guy, not the girl.
Even the urinal puck, so stuck in its time, gets more love. Who can compete with the redundant: “its ocean breeze scent is guaranteed to make you feel like waking up to the breeze of the ocean.” If that’s what waking up to an ocean breeze smells like, then I’m glad I don’t live on the waterfront. In fact, I’d rather wake up to the smell of an idling diesel truck with burning tires than the smell of urine with citrus notes.
Beyond a few children’s books, porta-potties are not a particularly popular choice for advancing the narrative plot. Imagine Emily Brontë writing: “I’m wearying to escape into a porta-potty, and to be always there: not seeing it dimly through tears, and yearning for it through the walls of an aching heart: but really with it, and in it.” The porta-potty is very much the star, however, in Stephen King’s 2008 short story, A Very Tight Place: A man, who’s dog was killed by a neighbour’s electric fence, lures the neighbour to a deserted construction site. He forces the neighbour into a “Port-O-San,” tips it over, and leaves him trapped in the Florida heat to die. Eventually the neighbour crawls through the toilet and into the tank where he can unscrew the bolts using his dead dog’s collar tag. Needless to say, the rest of the story reveals the consequences of not getting along with the Jones’.
With an estimated three million portables around the world and the portable sanitation industry worth over $2 billion a year, never has an industry been so ready for disruption. In June, the British Royal College of Art published a cheeky report, “Designing Inclusive Public Toilets: Wee the People,” that explores creative approaches to toilet design. Known as TINKLE, their Public Toilet Research Unit website hosts a Toilet Innovation and New Knowledge Exchange, where architects and designers can share ideas.
The Peequal, designed to improve gender equality and shorten line-ups, is one such British innovation, an open air, door-less toilet, “with ten fewer touch points than normal toilets.” It’s a wedge design that lets six women (or eight or more) pee at once in a big circle. Oddly, the user’s head is poking out, which could be awkward, but it may reduce the temptation – while everyone watches – to text her BFF that she’ll be back in ten minutes instead of an hour.
Across the pond in Denmark, two Dane architects designed the Lapee, a pink plastic structure with three urinals arranged in a spiral. Made from recyclable polyethylene, the Lapee can be hosed down for cleaning and withstand the continual abuse at a Lilith Fair concert. With three women at one time and no door, they claim it takes just 30 seconds to visit compared to a three-minute moment in a toilet cubicle.
In the US, personal wipes brand Goodwipes has come up with the Porta Palace, “a luxury bathroom experience on wheels.” Meredith Diehn, senior VP of marketing, said the company wanted to reinvent the festival bathroom experience. The Porta Palace features three golden toilet stalls, neon signs and foliage. “There is also music playing inside the stalls, so it’s a really unique pop-up experience,” said Diehn. The valet, I gather, is extra.
Researchers from the UBC school of architecture and landscape architecture have a novel solution: the MycoToilet, the world’s first mushroom-powered water-less porta-potty. The “living laboratory,” made from prefabricated wood panels, with a skylight and green roof, works by directing the solid waste into a mycelium-lined compartment which turns it into compost.
The MycoToilet was recently launched at the UBC Botanical Gardens in September and once it’s operating at full capacity, researchers estimate that it will produce around 600 litres of soil and 2,000 litres of liquid fertilizer a year. “It can be a really beautiful experience that connects us to natural ecologies,” Joseph Dahmen, leader of the project said. One user compared the toilet to a Scandinavian sauna experience.
In August, the City of Toronto held a public toilet design contest to raise awareness about the need for a “robust public washroom network.” The winning Hamilton-based architects’ design is made out of concrete with an epoxy coated interior finish that can be hosed down as well. They also incorporated natural elements like green roofs and “biodiverse panels” with curved surfaces to help open up sight lines and make it more friendly for those who are neurodiverse. The design incorporates sound art in the corridor providing “auditorial privacy” and a platform for people to share their art through music and stories.
Part bathroom, part art gallery, The Tokyo Toilet project conceived by entrepreneur Koji Yanai, displayed architect-designed toilets around the city of Shibuya. This Japanese exhibition was not a commercial venture, but to raise awareness on maintaining cleanliness and respect for cleaners. When Yanai approached Wim Wenders for help on a companion video, Wenders made a feature film instead. The result: “Perfect Days,” which follows the daily life of a lonely toilet cleaner who finds solace in gardening and photographing trees. The film was not only honoured with the Prize of Ecumenical Jury at the Cannes Film Festival in 2023, Koji Yakusho who played the cleaner won best actor award.
Across the sea in China, some public toilet users are forced to watch an ad in order to gain access to the coveted toilet paper. A person has to scan a QR code on the TP dispenser and then sit through a short video, before a few squares of paper are released. If you want more TP sheets or if you don’t want to watch the advert, you must pay the equivalent of a dime to skip the soul-crushing ritual. Authorities claim the system cuts down on TP hoarders.
Speaking of our ferry terminals, what’s with their tissue paper dispensers? It can take over 10 minutes – pulling with both hands – just to get enough to give your butt a cursory swipe. So plan your trips ahead accordingly.
And the record for most porta-potties at one event? Over 5,000 units during President Obama’s 2009 inauguration. Unfortunately, the shit has hit the proverbial fan, as Potty Mouth Trump claims he had millions more thunder buckets at his 2025 inauguration.
