TRIGGER WARNING: The following contains everything you didn’t care to know about sex.
Canadians are assumed to be boring, well-behaved, nice folks. Far from it, when it comes to adult entertainment, we great white northerners are rather adventurous. In fact, worldwide, we all seem to be on the same page when it comes to our private proclivities.
In Pornhub’s 2024 annual report, for the second time in a row, the top search for Canadians was “MILF.” Some may remember back in 2013, during an interview on Courtenay JetFM, a DJ asked then BC premier Christy Clark, what it was like to be a MILF. Ever the professional, Clark responded, “You know, I take that as a compliment…better a MILF than a cougar.” The term was also the top search in several other countries, including the US, the UK, and Spain.
The number two search for Canada was “hentai.” It seems that we aren’t the only ones intrigued by the kinky Japanese cartoon genre, as it was also the most-searched term in the US, Brazil and the Ukraine. And in third place, Canadians searched for “Asian,” bumping the “lesbian” category to fourth.
Some quirky stats: Canadian searches for “dominant woman” grew by a whopping 886%, “big natural chubby” (+764%) and “really old MILF” (+657%). Not sure what this reveals about us, but Germans have similar tastes.
The report did not have data by province, but did have info for US states. For instance, North Dakota searched “lesbian strap on” the most while South Dakota preferred “hot babes.” And for California, the largest state, “friend’s mom” was the winner.
In the most watched category, lesbian was once again, the top choice for Canadians, with MILF in the second spot. We did stand out globally with our viewing tastes, however. The “small tits” category was watched 82% more in Canada than the world average, and “virtual reality” and “red head” also saw a noticeable uptick in popularity.
With no surprise, the US was top of the list for traffic. The sheer amount of US visits to Pornhub was twice as much as both #2 France and #3 Philippines combined (Canada was #10). The endurance award goes to the Mexicans who spent just over 11 minutes per visit, followed by the Netherlands, the US, and Canada. Poland placed lowest at a mere 8 minutes and 35 seconds. Australians enjoy women loving women as well, where “lesbian” was their most viewed category. In the US and many parts of Africa, “ebony” was number one. Across the pond, Greenland was more into watching lesbians and most of Europe were loving the MILF category. Not too surprising, the French were in love with themselves, as was their neighbour in Italy, and Brazil as well. Meaning, for example, to
put it locally, we Islanders only watch “islander” videos like “Busty Hippy Pleasures Her Neighbour.”
And what about women? Not only are women watching porn, but they’re spending 17 seconds longer compared to the guys. Philippine female visitors topped the list again this year, with 59% of the traffic (versus the men at 41%). Argentina, Colombia, and Mexico all had similar viewing ratios of women over men. This could be explained by the culture of machismo in these countries. Hopefully the women were getting some quality time.
In the US, 29% of Pornhub viewers were women. This has remained consistent year after year. Canada, Australia, the UK and Germany had the same percentage, which once again can be explained by our culture. It’s not all about boinking either, women are much more likely to view videos featuring scissoring, cunnilingus, and solo sex. And just to be clear, scissoring does not involve cutting or running naked with.
So, where does artificial intelligence play in all this? A lot. Millions of people are interacting with AI-designed virtual companions online. One company, Replika, has users creating custom digital girlfriends.
No surprise, the clientele are male, Caucasian, and under age 30. The women are catching on, one announced on social media that she had “married” her Replika AI boyfriend, calling the chatbot the “best husband she has ever had.”
Sex doll vendors such as Joy Love Dolls offer interactive real-life sex-bots by mail order, with not only custom breast size, among other preferences, but also “complete control” of features including movement, heating, and AI-enabled “moans, squeals, and even flirting from your doll, making her a great companion.” At the budget level, you can choose Samantha for around $2,000 or if you dare, in the premium category, Kendra Lust, who’s name says it all, for $6,000. One site optimistically explains that buying a sex doll may be a bit of an investment, but “it’s cheaper than a girlfriend!”
Another company, realdoll, only has a selection of five male dolls (versus 41 female) – Michael, Nate, Lucas, Nick and Johnny – who all look, kind of creepy, like drug-addled serial killers. Or you can create your own model (but you’re stuck with the faces). Not for the faint of heart, these silicone pseudo hunks with custom penis attachments can cost over $8,000.
There’s something not quite right about replacing a real human being with a totally submissive lust machine. Can you hear the talk? “I hear Barry has a new girlfriend, but I’ve never seen her.” “Me, neither.
But, he looks happy.”
