Shucking Oysters: I’ll Drink to That
By Alex Allen
Warning: Please do not read the following if you are pregnant, operating machinery or driving a car.
I like drinking. I like the buzz. What I don’t like is when I don’t eat enough and get a little too buzzed. Which, thankfully, is few and far between. Perverting our sense of decorum is a very normal thing. In fact, getting buzzed helped humans advance civilization.
UBC philosophy professor, Edward Slingerland, author of Drunk: How We Sipped, Danced, and Stumbled Our Way to Civilization, and self-confessed “philosophical hedonist,” reminds us to never lose sight of one of the greatest contributions of intoxicants to human life: “sheer hedonic pleasure.” Alcohol releases us from the stress of being conscious of ourselves.
Slingerland points out that, “while it is socially acceptable to talk in purely aesthetic terms about our interest in fine wine, micro-brewed beer, or designer cannabis, we remain uncomfortable talking about our need for embodied pleasure for its own sake….This is the hang up we need to get over.” People masturbate. People get high. People drink. Why? Because they find it enjoyable and pleasurable. If their not harming anyone or being an a-hole, so what?
Today, alcohol is still seen through a “medicalized lens” of addiction and public health impacts. The prejudice against chemical intoxication is deeply seated in our popular consciousness. We have no problem with people altering their mood by watching a cute puppy video, going for a jog in the woods, or dare I say it, taking antidepressants. Why is your neighbour, who meditates an hour a day, a better person than you, even though you can achieve the same result by drinking a couple of glasses of wine?
In 2023, Canadian experts recommended two drinks per week versus the previous two drinks per day. Australia’s quota, published in 2020, recommends a maximum of 10 drinks a week. France the same. The US recommends no more than two drinks a day for men and one for women, while the UK suggests around six glasses of wine, or pints of beer per week. Australia, France and the UK base their alcohol guideline recommendations on a one in 100 mortality risk limit. Canada’s are based on a one in 1,000 chance of premature deaths related to alcohol which is two standard drinks per week, while the one in 100 risk limit is six standard drinks per week. Complicated.
Am I a hedonistic anomaly? An outlier? Apparently not. “Modern Drunkard Magazine” answered my wet bar dreams. Put out by a group of functioning alcoholics, from novelists and English gentlemen, to barflies and comedians, the magazine celebrates all that is boozy. Their goal is to “return drinking to the glorious Rat Pack/Jackie Gleason Era.” I won’t quibble, but I am surprised they mention Jackie, and not Frank or Dean. Fun fact: The most prolific writers, artists and journalists of history drank before, during, and after work. One of the editor’s shared, “Personally, I’m amazed that magazines are produced by sober people.” Indeed.
One celebrity interview in “Modern Drunkard” was with 90s punker, Lydia Lunch, who, quote, “knocks a backhand of defiance into the face of the status quo like a shot of tequila spat into a gaping wound. Without apology, comparison or compromise, she blazes a multimedia trail of eloquently slung insults, revelations and seductions into the waiting glass of anyone thirsty enough to swallow her harsh, ferocious and intoxicating truth.” How about that for an intro?
Lunch explains her drinking philosophy: “In America, so many of my friends, if they have to go to NA or AA they have to go, and it has saved some people’s lives. Personally, I don’t understand ‘all or nothing.’ I’m for all and something more. All of this and more. One of them asked me, why don’t you have to go? I figured it out: because I don’t hate myself. I love myself; I am my biggest fan, and I don’t call that narcissism. I am self-ish. I think if more people loved themselves, they wouldn’t have to get blackout drunk.”
“Modern Drunkard” offers a wealth of information from Wino Wisdom, Helpful Hints for Hoochers to a Guide to Manly Drinks. For the uninitiated, manly drinks must be clear and brown. Vodka or gin. Better bourbon or whiskey. “If it’s brown, suck it down, if it’s pink, don’t you drink.” The name should never be trendy, clever, or have sexual innuendos in it. Even if your drink is a mixture of bourbon, bitters and Tabasco sauce; if it’s called a Fuzzy Slipper it’s not manly. A Rusty Nail or a Boiler Maker are good manly drinks. “It’s a cocktail, not a punch line.”
From weddings to wakes, and everything in between, alcohol plays a huge role for many people to experience the phenomenon of fun. The Sociologist website explains: “Fun is more than a laugh or smile; it is a euphoric sensation that temporarily removes any concerns and allows one to feel psychologically free.” Having a few drinks leads to more enjoyment, better sociability and less pressure.
Some may say, the fact that alcohol is required for many people to experience fun is a sad reality. But hey, fun is serious business, in moderation.
