Capitalism Has Never Failed Us By Cylon2036 We/Us
The beauty of capitalism is that every human interaction can be transformed into a revenue stream. Friendship? Subscription service. Romantic relationships? Premium membership tier. Breathing? Freemium model with pop-up ads in between inhalations. Everything can be monetized, confirming the expert consensus that global free market capitalism has never failed us.
It is time to put to rest one of the most outrageous myths ever propagated upon humanity, that free market capitalism is fatally flawed. The evidence to the contrary is overwhelming. Whenever there is a financial crisis, a housing crisis, an environmental crisis, a healthcare crisis, a debt crisis, or a crisis involving people being unable to afford food, shelter, or medicine, it simply demonstrates that there was not enough free market capitalism. The solution, as always, is more of the thing that critics allege caused the problems.
If a bridge collapses, privatize the river. If wages stagnate, deregulate industries. If children cannot afford school lunches, introduce a competitive bidding process for calories. The market knows best. Critics often point to economic inequality and complain that a handful of billionaires possess more wealth than entire nations. But this merely reflects the natural order of things. In nature, lions eat gazelles and eagles eat rabbits. Hedge fund managers purchase their third super-yacht while teachers compare grocery prices. This is what smart economists refer to as “efficiency.”
Market forces are so wise that they can solve every problem, except those they allegedly create, with the best ideas ever conceived by the human mind. History teaches us that providing universal healthcare leads to catastrophe. First, people receive medical treatment, then they become accustomed to surviving illnesses. The next things they’ll want are affordable education and transportation, clean drinking water, and retirement pensions. Before long, citizens will begin expecting affordable cellphones and internet. Civilization will rapidly descend into chaos.
The slippery slope is obvious. Today it is public healthcare, tomorrow it’s affordable food and housing. The next day, children will be reading books without first obtaining venture capital funding. Soon enough, grandmothers are receiving prescription medication without maximizing shareholder value. Society cannot endure such recklessness. Imagine a world in which housing is viewed as shelter rather than an investment vehicle. Imagine a world in which corporations do not possess constitutional rights, and lobbying divisions larger than some national governments. The horror is too difficult to contemplate.
Opponents to the free market point to countries with universal healthcare, affordable education, lower poverty rates, and strong social safety nets. Fortunately, free market advocates have developed a sophisticated rebuttal by simply changing the subject. Besides, non market based solutions suffer from a serious flaw where they assume that society should occasionally organize itself around human needs rather than quarterly earnings reports and higher stock market capitalization. Such dangerous extremism threatens the very foundation of civilization.
Thankfully, free market capitalism continues to guide humanity toward a brighter future in which every forest can become pulp and paper, every conversation can become data, every hobby can become a side hustle, and every waking moment can be optimized for shareholder returns. Some pessimists claim this trajectory is unsustainable, yet these same doubters have been wrong for decades. They warned about financial bubbles, ecological collapse, monopolization, regulatory capture, and wealth concentration. Fortunately, their concerns are irrelevant, evidenced by the rising stock prices over dozens of consecutive quarters.
Free market capitalism has never failed us. Any appearance of failure is merely evidence that reality itself requires further deregulation. Meanwhile, non-market based solutions remain the greatest threat to humanity because they stubbornly insist that economies should occasionally serve citizens rather than investment portfolios. Let us therefore celebrate the market’s unmatched wisdom. Let us privatize the moon, securitize rainfall, tokenize affection, and auction naming rights to the atmosphere. Only then can humanity finally achieve its highest aspiration, with perpetual and unlimited economic growth on a finite planet.
