CIRCLE PROCESS (Part 3)Sally Campbell

Talking Piece

Circles use a talking piece to assist their process. This may be a stone, a feather, a talking stick of some sort, or any other object chosen by participants to help them pace their discussion. The talking piece has symbolic value and should be chosen carefully, with the reasons for its choice  known to everyone in the circle. The keeper will have a talking piece; sometimes participants want to choose their own. Flexibility. In estate mediations, I often asked participants to bring an object they’d like as a talking piece. They’d bring something powerful, something they had really thought about. That could create a breakthrough simply by speaking from the heart about it and its significance; it often brought tears. The talking piece sings up the sacred, slows the process down, and promotes equality. Only the person holding the talking piece may speak. This simple approach gives space for a more introverted person to speak and invites a more extroverted person to listen more deeply. In some mysterious way, it helps people tap into their truth and express it elegantly, in ways the others can hear. It quietly deals with the problem of interrupting.

There is no pressure with a talking piece; it moves around the circle and if the person receiving it doesn’t wish to speak, it is passed to the next person. Because no one can interrupt to debate, rebut or question a statement made, participants learn to listen patiently. By the time the talking piece reaches the would-be debater, for instance, something has been learned through listening, and the speaker’s words are less charged, more reflective.  For many, the experience of deep listening moves them toward greater understanding of the other(s) and themselves, which may then lead to agreements settling the conflict. Often the general culture’s sign of “success” is the reaching of an agreement. Impatience about “getting this over with” is often a sign of anxiety and frustration. Insight can emerge from recognizing our lack of control over others. We can’t force people to agree with us. People sitting quietly together in a circle, speaking honestly about how they feel about difficult matters, can build understanding and clear the path for problem-solving down the road. This then opens the opportunity for healing to occur.

Sometimes family members or a couple in conflict have trouble talking to one another about difficult matters. Chances are they have differing styles of communication. If one person tends to override the other, or to interrupt, a talking piece can shift that behaviour. Despite the claims of the entrenched (“Oh, it’s just the way I am. You’ll have to live with it”), it is never too late to change our behaviours!  Especially the ones that keep us stuck.

Consensus

In circles, decisions are made by consensus. The goal is to have everyone satisfied with the outcome. It does not mean compromising interests or squelching dissent in the rush for agreement. It involves working carefully and respectfully with all the interests and concerns in the circle, and seeking ways that accommodate key interests. 

In circle process, the focus is not upon the outcome, but rather upon good process and relationships between and among parties. Emphasis is upon the building of healthy relationship, and sometimes the way there is very difficult and painful. Participants learn to trust in the collective wisdom of the circle for answers, and when attention has been paid to the values and principles of the circle, creative and powerful outcomes can emerge.

Consensus does not necessarily mean unanimity. It is the responsibility of dissenting voices in circles to explain their concerns, and for others to listen deeply to them. “Circles don’t dismiss or minimize differences, but they don’t allow differences to become insurmountable barriers either. To build a consensus, we identify areas of disagreement and give them serious consideration, and then we use this fuller awareness of differences to make our final agreements more inclusive, hence stronger”. (Peacemaking Circles: Pranis, Stuart & Wedge)

Sometimes the circle will settle with an agreement because everyone can “live with it”, and it incorporates everyone’s interests as fully as possible, even though it may not have been the first choice of everyone in the group. This is called a “working consensus”, and it exemplifies the idea of a “world that works for everyone”. (Source unknown.)

This is not easy work. It is about having difficult conversations to get to the heart of things. A goal of consensus in circles is to develop a way forward that doesn’t just settle the presenting conflict, but also attends to the deeper issues and promotes healing and closure.

Circles belong to all of us. We all have ancestors who have sat together around a fire, in a circle, sharing stories, belonging to each other. Circle processes are not a panacea for all ills. They are one way to bring people together in respect and understanding. Sometimes, that is precisely what is needed.

CIRCLE PROCESS (Part 2)Sally Campbell

 Ceremony

Ceremony in circle process can be described as “singing up the sacred” (Peacemaking Circles: From Crime to Community, Pranis, Stuart & Wedge), the sacred that resides in each of us. 

Ceremony is an integral part of circle process. The goals of ceremony in a circle differ in significant ways from the goals of ceremony in a court setting. Whether the ceremony is a prayer/ask for guidance, a few moments of silence, or a sweetgrass “smudge” in an Indigenous setting, the intent is to have participants feel a sense of connectedness to their higher selves, to each other and to the process. Here in the West, we live in a general culture that values independence and autonomy in adults. Individualism is a strong cultural value. While this has its benefits in terms of support for people realizing their potential, having the freedom to decide and pursue their own personal goals, it has its downsides. Independence can lead to much loneliness, to isolation, to people feeling that they lack a safety net, that they are all alone. Autonomy and independence have also contributed to our disconnect from the natural world, our failure to fully appreciate that we and all our actions are interrelated, and hence, to the climate crisis. In the world of engagement with conflict and peacemaking, the emphasis is much more on our interdependence, our inescapable connectedness with one another. Ceremony is a powerful way to remind us of that.

In many institutional settings, political arenas, and courtrooms, ceremony is designed to remind participants of hierarchies and authority, with the mayor, CEO or judge firmly ensconced at the top. We see how people give over their power to the judge when they enter a court of law. Hierarchical authority is underscored by established rituals such as having the judge seated above everyone else in the room, wearing clothing that marks rank, being addressed in a particular way, and having everyone stand upon the judge’s entering or leaving the courtroom. 

In Circles, ceremonies are used to convey the fact that each person present is equal to every other participant, including the keeper(s). Power resides within the circle. Ceremony helps people tap into that power and shift to an expanded consciousness. It helps create a climate where genuine peacemaking can occur.

People can create their own ceremony before meeting in the circle. This may involve such things as going for a walk together before sitting down in the circle. It may mean bringing food to share after the circle has done its work. It may be agreeing on an inspirational reading or music before the talking begins. It could be having the keeper set the tone for the circle by reiterating the shared values of the group, the goals of building understanding and bringing closure. Ceremony doesn’t have to be elaborate, although sometimes it is; it needs to be authentic, and of a nature to build relationship rather than create more dissention. This means it’s important that ceremony not be imposed on participants; it has to be organic.

 Guidelines

Circles are values-based processes, and guidelines help people put their core values into practice.  Despite their differences, people worldwide tend to share common values such as respect, honesty, courage, trust and forgiveness. In circle processes, people do not have to leave their values at the door and arm themselves for an adversarial contest. They can and indeed are expected to act upon their values in every phase of the process. 

Agreeing upon guidelines for the conduct of the circle is often a first agreement between those holding differing or opposing views. Talking about how participants will talk together builds a sense of shared responsibility for the process. Having guidelines grounds people, makes them feel safer at a time when they may well be anxious about what’s ahead. Even two people having a difficult conversation can make a few guidelines about how it’s going to go. One may ask that there be no interrupting, or leaving the room if it gets hard, or making eyerolls when disagreeing. Another may suggest that everyone speak only from their own perspective rather than assuming they know what another is thinking or feeling. Simple guidelines can make a powerful difference and are an indicator of respect – self-respect, respect for the other(s), and respect for the process.  Inability to agree on guidelines often says that parties aren’t yet ready to work on the conflict in this way. What kind of supports do they need?  Focus on process before content. Creating a good process is engaging with conflict – a significant step forward!

(Next week: Part 3)