Bake Sale Fundraiser
Blackberry Lane Preschool is on the hunt for scrumptious baked treats to sell at our annual dessert table at the Denman Island Christmas Craft Fair. Join us in raising funds for our programming, equipment, and play space upgrades!
Do you have a recipe that is tantalizing and irresistible? We need your creation on our table of unique and delicious treats. Items can contain any ingredients (clearly listed); vegan and gluten-free options especially welcomed!
Swing by the Back Hall with your goodies on December 2 & 3 after 9:30 am. If you’re using a dish that you’d like back, no problem! Just jot down your name and contact info, and attach it to your dish.
We’re grateful for your kind support of Denman’s little preschool!
Shucking Oysters: Mad Scientists
Shucking Oysters: Mad Scientists
By Alex Allen
Trigger/Allergen warning: the following article mentions spiders, nasal hairs, faeces, drugs, body parts, and shellfish.
Dead spider grippers. Nose hairs. Colliding pedestrians. What do these all have in common? They are some of the Ig Nobel prize winners, a cheeky take on the Nobel Prize. And what is more astonishing about these studies, is that they actually received funding.
Like most people, when I see a dead spider, I see a dead curled up spider. The 2023 Mechanical Engineering prize winners, a Rice University, Texas, team see something quite different: Internal hydraulics. What if we could use the bodies of dead spiders as tiny air-powered grippers for picking up tiny electronic parts, they wondered? So with that, they transformed a dead wolf spider into a gripping tool in just 10 minutes. Simply insert a needle into the prosoma (the body part containing the head and thorax) of a dead spider and affix with superglue to form a hermetic seal. Then attach a syringe full of air and puff the air into the spider legs to make them open up. After a couple of days of around 1,000 open and grip cycles, the wear and tear on the joints eventually caused the spider-gripper’s body to break down. This study stirred a bit of controversy from some academics. “Necrocapitalism” is what they fear. Creepy.
“The Quantification and Measurement of Nasal Hairs in a Cadaveric Population” was honoured in the 2023 Medicine category. This University of California study, with access to 20 cadavers (10 male and 10 female), counted the hairs in each cadaver’s nostril, and used a measuring tape to determine the distance of hair growth at the upper, lateral, and lower nostril. The results: The average nose hair count per nostril is between 120 and 122 hairs, and they typically grow from 0.81 to 1.035 centimetres. Next potluck, dazzle your dinner mates with this bit of trivia: Did you know that “the lateral wall of the nasal cavity is formed partly by the maxilla, partly by the ethmoid bone, and partly by the perpendicular part of the palatine bone. Further back, where the nasal cavity becomes the nasopharynx, the lateral wall is formed by the medial pterygoid plate”? Guaranteed to get the conversation rolling during those awkward silent moments.
An Ig Nobel winner in 2021 conducted experiments to learn why pedestrians sometimes collide with other pedestrians. The study showed a “link between individual anticipation and emergent pattern formation through our experiments of lane formation, where unidirectional lanes are spontaneously formed in bidirectional pedestrian flows.” Their results imply “that avoidance maneuvers are normally a cooperative process and that mutual anticipation between pedestrians facilitates efficient pattern formation.” If I’m not mistaken, it’s similar to merging …
In both academic literature and popular culture, there has been an account of an Inuit man long ago manufacturing a knife from his own frozen faeces and killing a dog. To evaluate the validity of this claim, in 2019 a Kent University, Ohio team tested the basis of that account via “experimental” archaeology. Volunteer M.I.E. went on a diet with high protein and fatty acids, which is consistent with an arctic diet, for eight days and volunteer M.R.B.’s diet was more traditionally Western. Their results suggest that knives manufactured from frozen human faeces are not functional. They tested the knives in −50 °C temperatures; used a metal file to sharpen the “blades”; and even tried a cold, hairless hide rather than a warm, hair covered hide. “In other words, we gave our knives the best possible chance to succeed and they still could not function.” They concluded that anthropologists “must actively seek out unsupported claims, assumptions, rumors, and urban legends, and by testing them ensure any narratives that follow are as sturdy as possible.” Sturdy, indeed.
Just the titles alone in science journals are mad. “Validation of a Functional Pyelocalyceal Renal Model for the Evaluation of Renal Calculi Passage While Riding a Roller Coaster.” Translation: using roller coaster rides to hasten the passage of kidney stones. “The Mouth, the Anus, and the Blastopore — open questions about questionable openings.” I’ll let you ponder this one. But, don’t you think it would be a brilliant name for a restaurant?
On a sober note, these mad scientists really like to f*ck with the animal world. Here’s a few examples: Effects of cocaine on honeybee dance behaviour. Effects of cocaine and heroin on the development rate of blowflies. Morphine addiction in ants. Cocaine addicted rats and reduced brain activity.
Under the guise of studying the effects of stress on marine life, a couple of scientists injected shrimp with bacterial infections and put them on a tiny underwater treadmill to see what would happen. In a result that would not surprise — or even interest — anyone, they concluded that the uninfected shrimp performed better than the infected shrimp. The study got $682,570 of taxpayer funding from the National Science Foundation. It could have been worse; they could have been injected with a heroin cocaine cocktail.
Here’s one: The Influence of Loss Aversion and Reference Points on the Decision-Making Behaviour of Merging … just saying.
What Would It Look Like If You Were Standing On The Wrong Side Of History?
| CAITLIN JOHNSTONE |
| NOV 12 |
What would it look like to be on the wrong side of history? If there were a mass atrocity taking place presently which history will end up judging harshly in the future, and you were supporting the wrong side of it, what signs might you expect to see that that’s the case?
Well, I imagine you’d probably be seeing terrible news about what’s happening coming out every day that under normal circumstances would cause you to cry out in horror, but then you’d be getting a bunch of words and stories from your side explaining why those self-evidently terrible things are actually not what they appear to be.
If you found out thousands of children were being violently killed by your side in this mass atrocity, for example, you’d normally view that information as self-evidently terrible by itself, but then a bunch of narrative framing would come in explaining to you why that information isn’t damning for your side. Blame for the deaths of those children would be placed on other parties. If your side was undeniably responsible for their deaths, their deaths would be framed as accidental tragedies which are the unavoidable consequence of military action, and are still indirectly attributable to the actions of the other side.
You’d see the raw data of what’s happening, and then an overlay of narrative would be rolled out on top of what you’re seeing to alter your perception of that data. And every time, the unaltered data would make your side look bad, while the data filtered through the narrative overlay would make your side look much better.
Over and over again you’d see this take place: information which at a glance makes it look like you’re on the wrong side of history, then a deluge of narratives helping you to understand that your eyes deceived you at first actually, and you’re on the right side of history after all. Day after day after day this would happen: new terrible information that would normally make you feel bad about your position, followed by narrative framing which makes you feel better about your position.
We may be sure we could expect to see this because we live in a civilization that is dominated by narrative control. Powerful manipulators figured out a long time ago that because human consciousness is dominated by mental stories, if you can control the stories in their heads, you can control the humans. They do this via propaganda and spin, with the wealthiest and most powerful people having the ability to exert the most control over the dominant narratives in our society.
In a sense this leaves us living in two worlds: the real world and the narrative world. The world of unfiltered sensory input controlled by no one, and the world of easily-manipulated mental stories controlled by the rich and powerful. Maturity is waking up out of the narrative world and learning to perceive reality as it’s actually happening.
Because the powerful are continuously working to insert narratives about the world into our minds and manipulate our stories about what’s happening, it’s a safe assumption that if something terrible was being done by powerful people and we were on the wrong side of it, we’d be experiencing a continuous feed of narratives readjusting our perception and understanding of the thing that is happening. This would ensure that we remain supportive of the agendas of those powerful people, even if it leaves us on the wrong side of history.
Anyway, that’s just something to keep in mind in case you see anything like that happening in the future. Or who knows? Maybe even in the present.
My work is entirely reader-supported, so if you enjoyed this piece here are some options where you can toss some money into my tip jar if you want to. Go here to buy paperback editions of my writings from month to month. All my work is free to bootleg and use in any way, shape or form; republish it, translate it, use it on merchandise; whatever you want. The best way to make sure you see the stuff I publish is to subscribe to the mailing list on Substack, which will get you an email notification for everything I publish. All works co-authored with my husband Tim Foley.
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Featured image via Adobe Stock.
Old Tricks
March 30, 2007
Old Tricks
Just heard word that old Hank (‘Grumpy,’ as I may have referred to him in these pages some time ago), has found his way back into the can. He was released from here 40-odd days ago after serving what I believe was eight months of a one year sentence for his fourth drinking-driving offence. Aside from the offence itself he was also in breach of his probation. This means that he is currently sitting in remand down in Victoria at Wilkenson Road, awaiting trial. Looks like he’ll never learn.
While he was here he defiantly balked at entering the core programs such as ‘Substance Abuse Management,’ or ‘A.A.,’ which no doubt is noted on his records somewhere. To not only take a mere 40 days to re-offend for a fifth time but do so while under a driving suspension as well, it’s sounding like it couldn’t be much worse for him. About the only thing that could be seen as positive for Hank in all of this is that everyday spent awaiting trial, counts for two days against his eventual sentence. Well that, and the fact he didn’t hit or kill anyone. What a poor, stupid bugger.
I could ask, “Won’t you ever learn, Hank?” If not for the understanding such rhetorical question I gather he doesn’t need to hear at present…especially from a fellow red.
His last sentence was a year.
He re-offends for a fifth time within 6 weeks of release, with a suspended driver’s license.
He’s in breach of the probation imposed upon him for his fourth offence.
He is fucked.
If Sean Miller is the ‘Big Dawg,’ then Hank is most definitely the ‘Old Dog,’ for it is an old dog that has no room left for new tricks.
The Future of Democracy in Canada – Perri Gorrara
The Future of Democracy in Canada
Given the current political situation in Canada, it is perhaps, time for Denman and Hornby Islanders to reflect on the current state of affairs and contribute to the restoration of our honour, social and political rights and our place in the world as a peace-loving, fair, unprejudiced and honourable society.
The ideas below are, largely, drawn from The Canadian Citizens Declaration of Non-Confidence.
The Trudeau government’s history of scandals, ethical violations and lack of transparency, including but not limited to the Aga Khan scandal, the SNC Lavalin affair and the WE Charity scandal demonstrate a clear disregard for the rule of law and the ethical standards to which all public servants must adhere.
Accusations of political interference in critical national institutions such as the RCMP erode the essential separation of the powers of the state and put at risk the independent functioning of our democratic system.
We are experiencing threats to our National Security that are being ignored by our government.
The current minority government has taken alarming steps to infringe upon the Charter of Rights and Freedoms of Canadian citizens. Specifically, the deliberate vilification of citizens who are exercising their right to freely assemble and express their dissent. Despite the fundamental role of peaceful protest in a democratic society, citizens have faced arrest, legal sanctions and the freezing of their financial assets by the Federal government. These actions have a chilling effect on free speech and the right to protest, representing an overreach of government power that threatens the very foundation of Canadian democracy.
Lastly, the coercion to take the Covid-19 vaccine was not, simply, undue pressure, it was a tyrannical act that borders on medical fascism. Trudeau’s government used employment termination, social ostracization and exclusion from fundamental societal services as tools of compulsion, amounting to nothing less than a flagrant infringement upon our most basic human rights.
In light of these concerns, we need to look at ways to resolve these issues and prevent them from occurring again in our future.
Here are some ideas that could encourage discussion in our communities.
1. A National Election should be declared immediately, given the evidence of malpractice listed above.
2. The practice of whipping votes should be abolished. Each member of Parliament should vote according to their conscience and the needs of their constituents, not their party. Party leaders must earn, not command, the loyalty of their colleagues.
3. Any proposal involving foreign aid expenditures over $5,000,000.00 must be subject to open debate and votes in the House of Commons and the Senate.
For decisions involving the funding of a foreign war, the electorate should have the final say through a National Referendum.
4. Each Member of Parliament should make a binding commitment to uphold the principles of truthfulness and transparency in their interractions within the House of Commons, with the media and the general populace. Violation of this oath will be subject to criminal prosecution and dismissal from Parliament.
5. The Governor General and members of the. Senate shall no longer be appointed. They will be elected by the Canadian people for one eight-year term, through a referendum process.
The Preservation of Individual Liberties will be preserved in the following ways:
1. The end of plans to implement a Central Bank Digital Currency (CBDC).
2. The end of plans to implement a Digital ID System.
3. Legislation to make Vaccine Passports illegal.
4. Legislation to prohibit foreign, non-governmental organizations, such as the WEF and the WHO from having any decision-making authority over Canada’s national sovereignty.
As Freedom-loving Canadians, it is imperative that we tirelessly exercise our democratic rights- be it through voting, peaceful assembly or free expression- until a government that is truly of the people, by the people and for the people is re-established in Canada.
It is my hope that this article will encourage discussion here on Denman and Hornby Islands.
Carpe Diem comme on dit! Perri Gorrara.
Whales
Whales
by Mr. Unknown
One of countless attractions
On the coast of B.C
Is an extremely unique creature
Monarchs of the sea
The most well known and respected
With black and white tones
Orcas travel in pods
Whip out your cameras and phones
The great humpback
Leaves a feeling of awe
That white patterned belly
That low calling song
Playful and smart
Shiny and gray
Dolphins follow your boat
Staying behind in the wake
Take a trip further and deeper
To meet the king of the giants
The massive blue whale
The biggest creature confirmed by science
Whales are almost a fantasy
How the rise and they fall
The fin breaking the surface
The rest follows tall
Whales call to each other
For miles on end
Singing a loud low note
To communicate with a friend
To keep this species alive
May stand a tall order
The numbers have declined
We must give population a border
The wrongdoing is not ours
Our ancestors take the blame
Whale blubber provided lamp oil
Along with soap
This made a great pain
With one dreaded harpoon
An animal life ended for fame
We still marvel
We still look
Over splashing salty water
Our breath is now took
They thrive
They live
They eat
They give
A thrill
As they dip
In and out of the sea
Our eyes see a whale
But a strong feeling overpowers
In you and in me
Take a breathtaking trip
Take an adventure of fun
And you might
You just might
See a surfacing whale baking in the sun
Cutting the wavy pacific
Swimming down deep
Symbolising the ocean
With every water churning leap
Rulers of the ocean
Whales
Green Wizardries: A Hand-Made Christmas
Yes, I know it is November and the holiday frenzy properly begins in December. I like to start early and avoid the frenzy altogether. In fact, I used to hate Christmas because it meant shopping for gifts and the mere thought of prowling through a moodily-lit shopping mall, listening to canned, sappy Christmas music while navigating through a dense, restlessly-milling crowd of what appeared to be the damned, really put me off.
I also hated parting with money for some thoughtless gift that I would buy in desperation to be outside the shopping mall. I marvelled at just how many of the shops appeared to be selling the same over-priced tee shirts and jeans. How do they all stay in business?
So, it must be twenty years ago that I opted out of the commercial aspects of the holiday season and pursued a policy of make, bake, grow or sew for my holiday gifting. Not only was this a relief to me but people really seemed to enjoy the gifts I made for them.
For example, I baked some old friends a tin of Mexican wedding cakes which are really a very simple shortbread cookie that is rolled in a mixture of powdered sugar and cinnamon while they are still warm. I gave the tin to the father of the family who lived about a ten minute drive from us. He received the tin with marked enthusiasm and, much later, his daughter told me that not one cookie had made it back to their house. Her father had lost control in the car on the short journey home and had wolfed all the cookies down. I was really surprised as he was normally the most considerate of men but everyone has their breaking point.
Raisin bread also has that effect on a lot of people and I have given gifts of a warm loaf of raisin bread to friends and later asked how they had enjoyed it. I usually received the sheepish reply that the loaf had forced them to consume it all in one sitting with a great deal of butter. I begin to think it is possible that I knead into my baking my own lack of control over sweets.
Now, not everyone wants the gift of uncontrolled gluttony so it is good to ask if a friend might like some cookies for Christmas for example. I was out walking with friends and they both agreed they would like to receive some cookies for the holidays. Later, one of them confided in me that he is planning to make sorbets in his ice-cream maker for his gifting. He makes the most delightful sorbets.
This year, I received a Finnish steam juicer as a present from a friend. It is my new favourite toy! I have a bunch of quince to deal with and they are difficult to peel and core, being a very hard fruit. With this steam juicer, all I had to do was wash the fuzz off the quince and chop them up and load the steamer basket to the rim. I filled the water chamber and let it steam away. By the time the pan of water was almost gone, the quince was a mere defeated remnant in the bottom of the pot and I had two and a half quarts of quince juice.
The next day, I stood at the stove and had a half-hour zoom call with an old friend while I stirred and tested the mixture of sugar and quince juice that became the most spectacularly red and tasty jelly. I poured it into jars and it set up beautifully. This was much easier than making membrillo, a quince paste, which takes hours to prepare and the Mexican side of the family really enjoys. The jelly is mostly going to be Christmas presents. You cannot generally buy quince jelly so that makes it a really special treat.
There is far too much sugar and food consumed in the holiday season so you may not want to make food gifts. I get together with some friends and we paint Christmas cards. This is really easy and fun and you don’t need heaps of equipment to enjoy watercolour painting. I paint a lot of cards and use them as stationery all year long and some of my friends collect and frame the cards and the result is really pretty.
To make a start at painting Christmas cards, you need only a box of kid paints and some brushes, some 140 lb watercolour paper, some card stock, a glue stick and some glitter glue and you have all you need to begin painting cards with your friends and family. The resulting painting parties will become a treasured part of the festivities. All these supplies can be found on Denman at Abraxas Books.There are heaps of free painting tutorials on Youtube, aimed at the beginner level.
The same skills used to make cards can also produce bookmarks and if your friends don’t always need more bookmarks, you may have the wrong kind of friends.
Are We There Yet?
Publisher Mike Van Santvoord bought The Islands Grapevine 6 years ago, and has more than doubled circulation of the print version, and expanded its circulation to readers everywhere through his efforts to reach out from Denman Island to Hornby Island, Union Bay, Fanny Bay and the Baynes Sound region, and he’s increased the value to TIG advertisers by doing so. The refreshed and updated theislandsgrapevine.com is TIG’s most recent improvement.
Mike’s commitment to TIG from the beginning was to provide a weekly snapshot of our communities, and a mirror of the diversity of viewpoints that exist, without an obvious ideological bias. Of course Mike has his own opinions, but the Letters to the Editor and other content TIG publishes aren’t necessarily Mike’s personal views. Since the 2020 pandemic response, this editorial policy has become far more controversial. Even the small percentage of dissenting views on all things COVID that TIG published have triggered passionate and sometimes extreme responses. Ironically, those who would prefer that TIG exclude dissent, are often those people most often unconcerned with the facts relating to important matters.
The perceived controversies are exacerbated by the belief that if Mike does not “de-platform” dissent, not only is he supporting these views, he becomes a target of suggestions that he holds an unacceptable and offensive worldview not just relating to the pandemic, but by association, he must have all sorts of problematic and even bigoted views. When these kinds of false assumptions are manifested in gossip and hearsay without any rigorous attention to the facts, it has led to elevated levels of community conflict. Whatever your level of sensitivity, the residents of our areas of circulation hold a diversity of opinions, while there is a small but vocal group of residents who wish to damage the livelihoods TIG supports.
Sometimes the result is that Mike and TIG become smeared with the worst kind of pejorative labels, without any factual evidence of the characterizations or conduct, in a “pile on” mentality of what has become known as cancel culture. Cancel culture can be best characterized as when no process of fair review of the facts is necessary when a smear or a pejorative label is flung in someone’s direction. And to Mike’s great credit, he has not conceded to this kind of bullying nor has he capitulated to the threats, the lies, or the intentions of those who would work to damage his livelihood. After all, TIG survived the business disaster that was the pandemic response, where some of our advertisers’ activities were either shut down or severely limited.
Team TIG has doubled down on its commitments to growing its reach, expanding its coverage, and improving the clarity of the writing contained within it. This has caused some consternation from some of TIG’s regular contributors, challenging us to curate less, while they have pushed back on editorial feedback and our requests for revisions from time to time. In each case, and as a result of our learning that a lack of clarity or unnecessary ambiguities can be perilous to our editorial policy, we are more determined than ever to stay the course of curating content in an increasingly divisive climate, both locally and otherwise. Contrary to local misperceptions, TIG’s editors work each week to support a healthy information ecosystem.
TIG is grateful to its contributors, its readers and advertisers and its staff, which represent a diversity of identities, both gender and sexual, and the varied representations of culture and ethnicity. We support inclusiveness, mutuality, the principle of peaceful coexistence, and a commitment to a free press that does not pander to those who would attempt to limit open discourse, and censor the publication of views they do not share. We believe that more speech and more independent and community journalism is the healthiest idea for representing who we are, even when it’s sometimes difficult to embrace the reflection in the mirror.
It is in that spirit that we welcome the proposed new publication, The Barnacle, and sincerely wish its publisher and contributors well in the New Year.