*Satire*
A Number of Words on My Heroic Crusade Against Unapproved Thoughts
By Englebert Vigilante, Denman Island’s Guardian of Acceptable Opinions
Citizens of Denman, gather close, I bring tidings of victory. This week, I personally saved the island from ideological chaos by exercising the noble, delicate art of silencing others, a skill for which I am, admittedly, naturally gifted.
It began when someone posted an opinion about slow internet service that was not on the Officially Approved List. (“A bit slow”, he said. Incorrect. The sanctioned phrase was “refreshingly deliberate.”) Naturally, I sprang into action. Within minutes, a hastily assembled Tribunal of Concerned Islanders (me plus two passersby who thought they were signing a petition for better ferry service) officially canceled the author of the offending comment.
Some say I “overreacted.” Others say I “invented the Tribunal.” But history, which I plan to personally edit before publication, will remember this as the moment Denman was saved from free-range thinking. Since then, requests have poured in, well, one request, from myself, to expand my influence. I am considering mandatory pre-approval for all island conversations, facial expressions, and wistful sighs. Am I a hero? I don’t like to say it out loud. I prefer to print it in the newspaper.
These are a number of MY words. Naturally.
