It is Thanksgiving Day today. This holiday is always a bittersweet one to me, and not to the obvious reasons. It feels like a perfect day for contemplating the complications of gratitude.
The Thanksgiving story says that on this day we celebrate the shared harvest and our gratitude for the help we received from the original peoples of this land. But that begs so many questions. How have we repaid that help? How did we come to dwell upon this land while they have been pushed to the fringes we allowed them? Why do they so often have undrinkable water? Most importantly, how can we be grateful for something we stole in the first place? How must it feel to receive that kind of blind gratitude?
Is it okay to be grateful for the ways we benefit from the suffering of others? No. That doesn’t feel right. It triggers an uncomfortable cognitive dissonance. We need Truth and Reconciliation, and that takes time. I hope and trust that we are moving toward it as a collective, slowly and haltingly.
But better to know uncomfortable history than to bask in ignorance. Me, I’d rather know too much than too little, and so I’ve made peace with a certain constant dissonance.
This dissonance extends to other things, too. I might feel grateful for a great bargain I found on a shiny new thing—yet deeply uncomfortable knowing that someone, somewhere, was likely paid less than their work was worth to create it. Balance is difficult to find in this technological, interwoven, webwork world. So many harms done, so few reparations made. How to feel uncomplicatedly grateful in this tangled mess?
For me, the key is to be fully located in the moment, in my skin, now. Things simplify. Gratitude narrows down. What’s most important comes into focus, here and now. It feels better to say ‘grateful to’ rather than grateful ‘for,’ for one thing.
I am grateful to my fingers tapping the keys of my laptop. I am grateful to my breath, the soft way it fills my chest and gently empties again. I am grateful to the delicate balance of muscles contracting and releasing, to the swift responsiveness of my nervous system. I am grateful to my vision, that I can see what’s before me so clearly now.
I am grateful to the beauty my eyes can see everywhere. I am grateful to my flexible perception that lets me see beauty even in the mess and the ugly. I am grateful to music, the way it uplifts and unites. I am grateful to my mind that thinks in song. I am grateful to my ears, to the harmonious and cacophonous sounds that beat the drums within. I am grateful to my brain, the interface between my senses and my soul, through which I experience life as if it were real.
Zooming out a little: I am grateful to my mom, who birthed me and did her very best. I am grateful to my kids, their spouses, and their friends—who are the best people I know. I am grateful to my grandchildren and the shining potential of the future they promise. I am grateful to my sweet granddoggies who love me so much. I am grateful to my sweetheart and my friends, who make life so much better.
I am grateful to the kindness of humans on this island—the caring, sharing, and pulling together I see here. I am grateful to the new directions opening up this winter. I am grateful to the Songwriter Circle, which met for the first time on Friday and turned out exactly as I hoped. It promises music and laughter every Friday (7 p.m., at the Hornby Arts Centre) throughout the coming dark season.
I am grateful to the many offerings here, the classes and groups. I am especially grateful to the produce section at the Co-op, site of so many wonderful conversations. I am grateful to the familiar faces I see each day, to the smiles and hellos that lift me when I’m down. I am grateful to the delicious produce grown by local farmers, and the fruits of my own garden. I am grateful to the help and support I’ve received during that time. I am grateful to the amazing resources, volunteers, teachers, doctors, support staff, chiropractors, and physiotherapists we have here.
I am grateful to my life. I am grateful to you all. Most of all, I am grateful for your patience in reading this long list of gratitudes. Bless you all, and Happy Thanksgiving.
That’s what I think. What do you think? Email me at phoenixonhornby@gmail.com for feedback, and for more information about the Songwriter Circle that meets at 7 p.m. every Friday evening at the Hornby Arts Centre.
Nice ❤️ I am also grateful to you, my first born child. I am sitting here in the moment, thinking of you, little glimpses similar to photographs, of you as a baby, high school graduate, new mother etc. All is well in my world