(Satire/Fiction)
Dear Editor,
We demand changes to the Grapevine’s editorial policies. If you don’t follow our guiding principles (below), we’ll continue our advertising boycott that withholds all publicly tax funded local advertising from The Islands Grapevine..
GUIDING PRINCIPLES
1.As neuro-curious allies,The Islands Grapevine acknowledges our privilege before speaking in this safe, consent-based conversational space.
2.The Grapevine only sees sentient beings on diverse evolutionary timelines.
3.The Grapevine will assure our community newspaper is inclusive for all energy forms, including those who identify as ambient light.
4.The Grapevine will now refer to Halloween as ‘Intercultural Awareness and Post-Colonial Reflection Day.”
5.The Grapevine will no longer use big words — it’s a micro-aggression against pre-verbal consciousness.
The Grapevine will also adjust its language as a result of our newfound training in nonviolent communication.
(eg. the tree didn’t fall — it self-lowered in resistance to the anthropocentric forestry-industrial complex.)
The Grapevine acknowledges that the bullying behaviour of a few hostile and privileged neighbours is as a result of them navigating late-stage capitalism.
Instead of being cancelled, The Grapevine will now describe it as a “community-driven accountability redistribution.”
Sincerely, and with extreme prejudice,
Melanie Ridgeback
