Tide Tables - The Islands Grapevine

LATEST ARTICLES

Moonlight Madness

Community News

November 30, 2023

Just six very short days before the winter solstice Madness shall be unleashed upon the commercial core of Denman Island. Friday, December 15 between the hours of 5:00 and 9:00

p.m. we will bright up the night with luminaria light all the way from the Earth Club Factory ‘round to the Activity Centre where you will find the John the Rug Man selling his magic carpets until 8:00 p.m. (he’ll be there Saturday too). No matter where you choose to begin your descent into Madness you are guaranteed to find fun, frolic and friends. I suggest you come hungry and ready for dinner as food will be available in three locations: Tachi’s Cafe in Abraxas Books, Takeout Near You sited at the old bakery, and the Earth Club Factory. The Bistro will be open late with appetizers, hot “special” beverages, and more. Out by the bonfire you can create your own s’more. Don’t miss the variety of giftware, clothing and toys, some 35% oﬀ that night! Donna and Sheldon will also have seasonal baking in ready-made gift boxes. Donna always has an amazing array of diﬀerent goodies. Takeout Near You oﬀers the finest French Fries this side of the Beauforts plus pizza, poutine, Korean chicken, veggie and meat burgers. Tachi will have drink specials as well as door prizes. Sipping on something warm is one way of taking Madness in stride. Speaking of which, a Madness first! Some carollers will be assembled on the lawn of St. Saviours Church from 5:30-6:00 ish singing and giving out warm apple juice

Our core General Store will stay open extra late to serve you revellers that Friday evening. Do drop by to say Happy Madness to Jennifer and crew.

The wonderful Denman Hardware really gets into the spirit, serving up spirits in the form of Rusty Nails and Screw Drivers, keeping the antifreeze level up for the adult populace.

The Denman Craft Shop ladies, now thirty years old (!) look forward to giving you the opportunity for night shopping with their gorgeous selection of artisan fare created on Denman. Their neighbour, Abraxas Books and Cafe, will be doing the same. Tachi has filled the space with all sorts of playful bits and bobs to augment the very fine selection of books including very fun socks, art supplies, stickers and journals.

The Art Centre will be alive with Community Collage for anyone and everyone who wants to create a page for the 2023 Community Collage book. All of the books from 2006 and onward will be available for perusing — each a Time Capsule of its own. Our theme this year: I AM SO GRATEFUL—LET ME COUNT THE WAYS. Brain scientists have discovered that the contemplation of gratitude paves neural pathways to the frontal cortex. Even if you can’t think of a single thing to be grateful for (c’mon, really?!?) the act of TRYING forges the way. There are a number of new residents on our fair isle, it’s time for you to represent! Come on into the Art Centre during Madness and enjoy making a collage page. Des Bowman will be on the Art Centre porch selling his delightful photos of critters both tame and wild. He may be joined by other vendors, we shall see!

Late breaking news! Magdalene Joly will join Des on the Art Centre porch with her gorgeous jewels!

Let’s hope the evening is dry enough for Sheldon to light the bon fire outside the Guest House. Many a Madness evening has concluded there, singing and making merry. We so hope you will all come downtown and join the festivities.

A Letter to the Community – Laura Thomson

Letters

TIG

November 30, 2023

A Letter to the Community – Laura Thomson

Dear Community,

Many of our residents are new and may not be aware of our current housing crisis. If you are newer to the island (or a long-timer) and have a place that could be rented out, but you haven’t yet for any reason, will you reconsider? We currently have single individuals, elders, and (most imperatively), families with children that are precariously housed, or actually homeless. With the drastic rise in real estate, it has left many regular folks with no where to turn. Many people have called this community home for years, contributed to the local economy in various ways, retired here, or raised children here. They are now left out in the cold, literally and figuratively.
If you are able to offer a secure rental, please reach out and I will be happy to help you (anonymously) connect with potential tenants. If you are someone in dire need of housing, please also contact me with your information, we need to start working together to match up those with rental spaces, and those who need them. Your privacy is of utmost importance, and I will help facilitate connections with confidentiality to protect the personal circumstances of all parties.

Please keep in mind that while the price of real estate has skyrocketed, the incomes of working families, single people, and retired seniors have not risen at the same pace. If you are able to provide a rental, please also consider renting below what is currently considered “market rent”. As it is well over 50% of the income of many. Finding a home is an emergency for many right now, homeless children seniors and local workers does not reflect well on this community. Not only do homes need to be found immediately, folks need to be able to afford it without going destitute (not able to pay bills or basic expenses due to high rents). I appreciate some landowners cannot afford to rent for lower, thankfully there are some people who can afford the higher “market rents”. It is just a matter of matching up the various individual tenants and landowners who will suit each other. If you are reading this, and you know someone else who might have a space available will you please approach them about it?

As we approach the holidays and share the cheer and joy within our own homes, remember that there are families with no home right now, so let us please take drastic action without hesitation.

laurathomson@telus.net

Laura Thomson

Shucking Oysters: Reality TV

Alex Allen

TIG

November 30, 2023

Like it or not, reality TV has been a pervasive part of our world for years and it isn’t going away. The first introduction to consensual voyeurism, if you will, was the 1973 TV show, An American Family, where millions watched a family unravel week after week. Since the early 2000s, there has been a massive reality television boom from the quaint to the questionable.

Boy Meets Boy, the first same-sex dating show was considered groundbreaking in 2003. Viewers watched gay bachelor James Getzlaff romance 15 men, and unfortunately, almost half of them were just pretending to be gay. As someone wrote: “Cruel, offensive, and worst of all, boring.” Perhaps the most successful and iconic to date, is The Bachelor which has been on television for over 20 years. The series boasts five successful marriages, eight steady couples, and several babies.

And now we have The Golden Bachelor, or more accurately, “The Fox and the Cougars,” 22 women between the ages of 60 and 75 trying to win 72-year-old widower, Gerry Turner’s heart. The producers even swapped the group date staples like mud wrestling and tackle football for a pleasant game of pickle ball. Surprisingly, the “boomer bait” fest drew a healthy 4.1 million viewers during its premiere episode last October. And if you think that it would be hard to find contestants in that age bracket, an astonishing 30,000 women auditioned.

The 22 women had careers in education, real estate, finance — even cheerleading and competitive aerobics. Some are from a small town and others from a big city. Their musical tastes are varied, classic rock to Harry Styles — one contestant saw the Beatles live. They have names like Ellen, Nancy, and Peggy. And every one is at least 60-years-old.

“When you get to our age, it’s almost inevitable that you have suffered a loss in some way, whether it’s the death of a spouse or a terrible divorce,” explains Gerry. “And when we share that commonality of loss of a spouse, it really is a huge launching pad for us in conversation. We can cut through a lot of the frivolous talk that maybe is necessary when you’re in your 20s and 30s.”

There are critics. The producer’s insistence on the vitality of its contestants can feel like a step forward, but some see it as “a second teenagerdom.” Hello! It’s “reality” TV, of course all the contestants are active and attractive.

Mary McNamara of the LA Times wrote, “given this culture’s historic tendency to treat every postmenopausal woman as too old for whatever she’s up to, I worried that the sight of 30 such women vying for the affection of a 72-year-old widower would leave viewers either complimenting their “bravery” and cooing over how sweet it is to see older gals giving it one last try, or excoriating the women as desperate and condemning them for trying too hard to attract romance and attention.”

McNamara adds, “if the actual goal is matrimony, as opposed to some on-camera polyamorous canoodling, I expect women over 30, never mind 60, to be worrying less about how Gerry looks in a bathing suit and more about whether he is going to just leave that bathing suit on the bathroom floor.” And I’ll agree, I too found it painful watching the women being forced to stand awaiting Gerry’s judgment during the infamous rose ceremony. Like Miss America and Miss Universe, the rose ceremony is “reminiscent of choosing teams for dodge ball. And they all knew exactly what they were signing up for.”

As he bids goodbye to Anna, Pamela, Patty, Maria, Renee, and Sylvia, poor Gerry is crying. “The only time I ever felt worse in my whole life is when my wife passed away, and this is a goddamned close second.” But, the most heartbreaking and emotional elimination is November 30, between Leslie, 64, a former aerobics champion from Golden Valley, Minnesota, and Theresa, 70, a securities professional, from Benton City, Washington. Good luck Gerry. [Spoiler alert: Theresa.]

Nicole Gallucci noted that the “petty drama, goofiness, and hot hookups that people typically crave from reality TV dating shows” is not part of the narrative. Going from “a refreshing hour of wisdom, life experience, and maturity of 60 and 70-year-olds having deep, moving conversations about dead spouses, families, and second chances at love” to “two hours of 20 and 30-somethings fighting over love triangles, bouncing from hookup to hookup, and chatting about superficial topics, feels a bit like backsliding.” Or maybe refreshing?

Here’s a reality show: The Lonely, Eccentric Bachelor. I could see at least 200 island bachelors lining up for any chance of “polyamorous canoodling.” Finding 22 women could be an issue, on the other hand.

Hamas Isn’t The Target, It’s The Excuse

Caitlin Johnstone

TIG

November 30, 2023

Nov.26th, 2023

Notes From The Edge Of The Narrative Matrix

Listen to a reading of this article (reading by Tim Foley):

If you’re just tuning in, Israeli intelligence ignored mountains of information that the October 7 attack was coming and left Israelis completely undefended, then the IDF killed significant numbers of Israelis with indiscriminate fire and pinned the blame for 100% of Israeli deaths on Hamas, and all those deaths are now being used as justification to push Gazans off their land to the south and shoot them if they try to return while Israeli officials keep talking about how great it would be to get all Palestinians out of all of Gaza.

❖

Such a crazy coincidence how every single step of Israel’s military operations against Hamas in Gaza has looked exactly the same as what you’d expect to see if Israel was trying to permanently drive Palestinians off a large stretch of Palestinian land.

❖

This isn’t a war against Hamas. It’s not a war at all. It’s a military operation to facilitate an ethnic cleansing.

Hamas aren’t the targets, it’s the excuse.

❖

Israel isn’t bombing Gaza with the intention of wiping out Hamas, Israel is bombing Gaza with the intention of wiping out Gaza.

❖

A new Guardian article says “Israel’s military estimates it has killed between 1,000 and 2,000 Hamas fighters out of a military force it believes is about 30,000 strong.”

If Hamas was using “human shields” as we’ve been told, killing civilians should also yield a huge Hamas fatality rate, since Hamas would be hiding among civilians. Yet the IDF has managed to kill massive numbers of civilians while barely touching Hamas. Maybe they’re just lying about human shields?

❖

The whole argument for displacing Gazans from the north to the south was to protect their lives, yet now if they try to return to the north they get shot and killed by Israeli forces. What’s the new argument for this one? Are they killing them to save their lives?

❖

❖

Saying Gaza isn’t occupied because Israel “withdrew” in 2005 is the same as saying a prisoner is free because the warden isn’t technically inside his jail cell with him.

❖

Whenever I say Israel is deliberately killing civilians, half the Israel apologists in my comments are like “NO THEY’RE NOT YOU DAMN LIAR” and the other half are “Yes they are and it’s good.”

❖

Tell an Israel supporter that Israel is a racist apartheid state and they’ll deny it. Point to the tiered social system and the oppression of Palestinians in Gaza and the West Bank and they’ll tell you it’s because Palestinians are all apelike savages who can’t behave themselves.

❖

In non-Gaza-related news, the leader of President Zelensky’s party in the Ukrainian parliament has officially confirmed what many of us have been slandered and smeared for saying for months: that there was a peace deal in the works in the early days of the war in Ukraine if Kyiv would just commit to Ukrainian neutrality, but the deal was abandoned under pressure from western powers.

If you’re ever accused of being a Russian propagandist for pointing out obvious evidence of western malfeasance in Ukraine, don’t worry, wait long enough and a Ukrainian official will eventually come out and prove you right by saying exactly what you said.

And now Washington is starting to push Kyiv to negotiate an end to the fighting while Ukraine’s commander-in-chief calls the war a “stalemate”. Ukraine will surely wind up having to relinquish a lot more than it otherwise would have if it had been allowed to take the peace deal offered at the beginning of the conflict.

All that death and destruction, for what? For nothing. It was all pointless. An entire generation of young men thrown into the war machine in pointless bloodshed which could have been easily avoided except for the US empire’s desire to “bleed Russia” and advance its geostrategic objectives in Europe and Asia.

From Ukraine to Gaza, the US imperial war machine makes everything worse.

____________

My work is entirely reader-supported, so if you enjoyed this piece here are some options where you can toss some money into my tip jar if you want to. Go here to buy paperback editions of my writings from month to month. All my work is free to bootleg and use in any way, shape or form; republish it, translate it, use it on merchandise; whatever you want. The best way to make sure you see the stuff I publish is to subscribe to the mailing list on Substack, which will get you an email notification for everything I publish. All works co-authored with my husband Tim Foley.

Bitcoin donations: 1Ac7PCQXoQoLA9Sh8fhAgiU3PHA2EX5Zm2

Phoenix Riting! – November 30th, 2023

Phoenix Riting! A Hornby Perspective

TIG

November 30, 2023

I went to a party recently. Sometimes you go to a party and it’s just so sweet and connected and fun you can’t stop smiling! By the end, my face was sore from constant grinning. Such informal events do as much to weave community, albeit on a smaller scale, as do formal gatherings like dances, festivals and fairs. The flow of connection was palpable; for a while, we lost our personal boundaries in a collective dance of happy fun.

I have identified as an introvert for a long time, as I thrive on time alone, but there is something about gatherings that feeds my heart, soul and body, especially when dancing is involved. Maybe I’m an extraverted introvert? An introverted extravert? It was so nice to be invited!

This was not a seasonal gathering, but it brings me to this upcoming season. There is something about this time of year! It’s bothered me for years and years, this almost magical feeling to the weeks around the winter solstice and ending with the New Year. Outside of religion, I suspect our need to celebrate this season is a holdover from a pagan, tribal past when the turning of the year felt like being saved by the returning of the light from a fate of eternal darkness. That is the feeling, is it not? We feel collectively uplifted, reprieved and blessed.

Not everyone is included in that feeling. Christmas is a time defined by social gatherings and yet many of us are not part of a social group that gathers informally. So many spend Christmas unwillingly alone, pretending it’s just another day, or simply processing past Christmas hurts. Many fall through the cracks, finding themselves alone without an invitation to a party or gathering, lacking a stable home to host in, feeling depressed, bereft and unable to do anything about it. Spirits rise this time of year, but so, sadly, do suicide rates. This year, Joe King Clubhouse is rebranding itself as the island’s ‘living room,’ providing cafe / hangout space available Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays from 10-3. It’s open for folk to come share yummy food and treats, volunteer in the kitchen or just hang out by the fire with friends. You can swap chores, like sweeping and dishwashing, for soup credits. It sounds like an idea whose time has come! This should help those in need of a social feed get their needs met in this time of longing and loneliness.

Over the years, I have dropped out of the Christmas spending rat race more and more. I buy books for my grandchildren, and I only exchange gifts with adult family members when I am able to spend Christmas with them. That’s about it. I neither send nor receive Christmas cards. But for some reason, I love this season. Even all alone, I feel the magic. Santa has been good to me every year, even when I have to be my own Santa.

I love Christmas so much, and my feelings about it have been so challenging and strained I had to write a song. One Christmas eve back in the early 2000s, I wrote a song called, “Something About Christmas.” And finally, with the skilled help of the always-amazing Marc Atkinson, I have released it as a single–my very first release! Whee! I’ve been receiving superlative feedback and comments about it. You can hear it for free now on my Bandcamp page, at https://phoenixbee.bandcamp.com/, where, if you are so moved, you can also purchase the audio file. The song is in the queue to be released on major streaming platforms as well. I’ll let you all know when that happens; it will be soon.

The most frequent feedback I’ve received so far has been that this is a Christmas song that, while Christmassy in mood and music, can be enjoyed by those who ‘hate Christmas songs’. I am very proud of this song, which Marc calls ‘epic.’ The grand piano and harmonies make the perfect framing. I feel very blessed. I hope this song can help others make peace with the complicated contradictions of this season.

On that note, may blessings and peace flow in this darkening season, and may the light return on schedule. My wish for you this season is that your hearts, souls and bodies be fed in convivial friendly gatherings.

That’s what I think. What do you think? Email me at phoenixonhornby@gmail.com

CIFTA (not as in flour)

Sally Campbell

TIG

November 30, 2023

When I learned years ago that Canada has had a free trade agreement with Israel since 1997, I didn’t think too much about it. After all, we have trade agreements with many countries. My first inkling that it might be problematic came with the issue of proper labelling of products made in Israel’s illegal settlements in the West Bank, Occupied Palestinian Territories (OPT).

These are all labelled as “Made in Israel”. This makes it seem as if the OPT is actually legally part of Israel, which it is not. The European Union (EU) has declared such a practice illegal; settlement products must be properly labelled as such (European Court of Justice, 15 November, 2019). In Canada, this problem has been the subject of several lawsuits and court rulings, with the federal government now appealing a decision that required proper labelling of illegal settlement wines. Settlement products are actually not made in Israel; they are made in Palestinian territory. Why, you might ask, is our government using our tax monies to oppose a requirement of proper labelling?

It turns out this false labelling practice came as an aspect of the Canada-Israel Free Trade Agreement (CIFTA), which includes Palestinian territory in its definition of Israel. For the purposes of “commerce,” right? CIFTA also doesn’t distinguish between Israeli and Palestinian- made products covered under the Agreement; all trade is considered to be with Israel. Does the fact that Israel controls all the airways, and all land & sea routes into the West Bank, East Jerusalem & Gaza, mean that it owns everything produced in Palestinian territory? CIFTA”s terms constitute an erasure of Palestinian trade/commerce. This is why it’s important to notice: de facto annexation of Palestinian territory is happening with the complicity of Canadians.

Needless to say, Palestinians weren’t consulted in a meaningful way and did not consent to be included as part of Israel under CIFTA.

Canadians for Justice & Peace in the Middle East (CJPME) recently published a report on CIFTA, entitled: “Annexing Palestine Through Trade”. (www.cjpme.org) Lead author Michael Bueckert, PhD., makes a thorough case that Canada is in violation of its own laws as well as international law by its adherence to CIFTA.

He argues that through CIFTA, Canada treats the OPT as if it were already annexed by Israel. Further, despite Canadian claims that including Palestinians in CIFTA will provide material benefits for Palestinians (Minister for International Trade Art Eggleton, House of Commons, 9 October, 1996) the report shows that Palestinians don’t benefit economically from CIFTA. While trade with Israel makes up 99.5% of total merchandise trade under CIFTA, Canada-Palestinian trade accounts for .5% of the total. More erasure.

This issue of the annexation of Palestinian territory in duplicitous ways has been made more critical in light of Israeli Prime Minister Netayahu’s June, 2023 appointment of far-right settler Bezalel Smotrich as head of the civil administration in the OPT. Since 1967, Palestinians living in the West Bank, Gaza & East Jerusalem have lived under military rule which basically means they have no civil or legal rights. Let alone a vote. Now it looks like Netanyahu has taken the so-

called legal jurisdiction from the Israeli military and given it to a civil authority. A civil authority run by an extremist, hell-bent on removing Palestinians from their homeland.

Does this mean that the millions of Palestinians in the OPT will now have the vote, given that they are in all respects governed by Israel? No. Will it simplify the bureaucratic matrix of control over every aspect of Palestinian life in the OPT? No, the reverse will happen actually.

Unless. Unless the world stands up to what it sees is clearly going on in Israel-Palestine and refuses to be complicit in maintaining a settler-colonial apartheid regime. That means we have to take note of our part in this. We need to speak up loudly and clearly about what we will NOT tolerate.

The CPJME report on annexing Palestine through trade states that Canada’s rationale for including settlement products in CIFTA is: “CIFTA defines Israel’s territory, for the purposes of this agreement, as the territory where its customs laws are applied, which includes the West Bank and Gaza Strip. That’s the reason.” (Minister of International Trade Diversification Jim Carr, May 1, 2019, Senate of Canada, Proceedings of the Standing Senate Committee on Foreign Affairs & International Trade, Issue # 62.) Palestinians say that they never consented to nor acknowledged the inclusion of Israeli settlements (CJPME Report @ 11) in the customs union they entered into in 1994, as part of the failed Oslo Agreements. (That customs union was intended to expire in 5 years with an independent Palestine. So much for that idea.)

I dwell on these seemingly obscure details to show how insidious settler-colonialism is. Our indigenous peoples can no doubt attest to thousands of such examples of how their land was occupied and stolen, relegating them 2nd class citizens in their own territory. We can’t change the past, but we can learn about it and from it, and dedicate ourselves to justice work going forward. As the longest running occupation in the world and the only apartheid state in the world, Israel is a stark example of wrong action. It’s not just happening “over there”; our own institutions perpetuate the wrongs, and those, we can do something about.

Tax Dollars at Work

CS# 05943451

TIG

November 30, 2023

April 2nd, 2007

Today Crew #2 returned to Rathtrevor Beach for another attempt at chipping up all the blow-down branches we’d collected and piled up from the Park’s campsites on two previous occasions.

Fully invigorated from a weekend’s rest and with a chipper that had now been repaired thrice in the past month, nine of us orange clad corrections workers split up into three groups of three to help out the Park’s staff. Last night’s crazy weather; wind then hail then a smattering of snow, had thankfully abated by dawn leaving nary a trace of its memory. What greeted us upon piling out of the crummy was a beautiful, sunshiny day.

I took a rake in hand and concentrated on grooming what essentially looked to be an impeccably clean park already. In the distance the chipper roared its throaty diesel sound. I must have really gotten into what I was tasked with because it had to have been a good half hour before realizing all I could hear were the spring songs of birds and the scratching of my rake upon the ground. It only then occurred that there must have again been a problem with the chipper.

Sure as shit, not ten minutes into the day the chipper began to act up AGAIN. For some reason it doesn’t want to hold at the prescribed 3500 R.P.M. necessary to turn offensive dead branches into inoffensive sawdust. First it was the seals on the fuel tank. Next it was the fuel and air filters. Now? Who the hell knows? It starts up okay and proves to be an effective stand upon which to prepare and cook lunch but run it for more than 5-10 minutes and the same problem rears its head. This is getting ridiculous now. It’s fast become manifest that a day on Crew #2 isn’t normal unless some piece of equipment breaks down or malfunctions. Chainsaws, brushsaws, crummy or chipper. Take your pick. About the only thing that works out there is us and even that is a contentious claim given our well documented struggle for better crew lunches and utter reliance upon working equipment.

Too bad we couldn’t give the chipper an improved lunch in hopes of coaxing a better effort from it! There’s just two problems with this idea. One; better lunches we have trouble obtaining and two; the chipper probably couldn’t bite through an unbuttered prison sandwich to begin with. At this point it’s a more effective paperweight than anything.

Evolutionary Reconciliation Pt.4

Eartha Muirhead
Opinion Pieces

TIG

November 30, 2023

“To put your ego in check, to subordinate your ego, you must have incredible confidence. If you find you cannot put your ego in check because you are afraid it might make you look weak, then guess what? You are weak.” Jocko Willink “Leadership Strategy and Tactics”

Conflict sucks but facing conflict is a part of building reconciliation skills. How can I subordinate my primal instinct to flee, fight or freeze during a conflict? I had an eye-opening experience with conflict recently that tested my ability to put my ego at the bottom of my priority list. The skill could be called “ego-death.”

The person I was with suddenly began to criticize me after what I thought was a benign sounding request. Their tone of voice screamed: “I am superior to and better than you in every way,” conceit and condescension hitting me like a blast of sizzling bacon fat. Here was someone who is politically correct, charming, and intelligent. I froze for a minute, then I wanted to scream “FUCK YOU” and then realized that I did not want to fight back. I began to wonder if they were in pain, tired, hungry, lonely and/or oblivious to their use of cruel words. I also realized that I pride myself on being able to get along with people and that the other person should see how sincere and innocent I am. I had had many similar conflicts with this person and each time I concluded that they were a pompous blowhard, lacking self-awareness and not to be trusted. I took some deep breaths, while they babbled on about my faults. I did not interrupt them, which was a challenge. Thier words hung in the air like toxic smoke. Then, tentatively I verbalized some simple empathy, for both of us, but for them first. I did not try to defend myself, because I knew that self-defense would only escalate the conflict. Calm came over them and they apologized. I think what defused the tension is that I disarmed their ego by disarming mine.

You may fear that if you operate out of compassion (and not focusing on your desire to be liked, to win the argument, to deflect and defend), the other person will walk all over you. But in most cases, when the other person’s ego, i.e. their unconscious instinct to fight, flee or freeze, is not triggered by your own defense mechanisms, safety and regulation naturally comes into play. The ultimate form of leadership and compassion is creating neutral space in which the villain and victim realize they want a cease-fire.

This kind of interpersonal de-escalation tactic called “ego-death” takes endless practise. One way to encounter and navigate this skill is in the personal space of inquiry and meditation. If you are being honest and fully present, the unconscious mind will eventually vomit forth all your ego’s unresolved conflicts. There is really no permanent way of escaping unpleasant feelings so why not bite the bullet and explore your other options. In meditation, we ignore the distractions and stop blaming other people or any external circumstances for our suffering. When we feel resourced and safe enough to allow unconscious material to arise; “Meditation is a kind of waiting and postponing of reaction.” Sarah Schulman, from her book Conflict Is Not Abuse. If you feel overwhelmed with anxiety, which I did for the first 5 years of meditating, you need to seek some outside help to heal unresolved issues.

I double dog dare you to sit still, close your eyes, no mantras or special effects required, for 13 minutes every day and see what happens. Conflict will present itself as the grist for your evolution towards inner and interpersonal reconciliation.