Shucking Oysters: Why I Oughta …
By Alex Allen
Complain. Kvetch. Bitch. No matter what it’s called we all do it. We live in an unpredictable world. Little inanimate object gremlins. People purposely ruining your day. How can you not keep your indignant words to yourself? The Stoics say that it is how we respond to adversity that is a measure of our true character.
We can’t control the outcome of things, but we can control our intentions. Most things are just out of our control. It’s not what we bear, it’s how we bear it. Though some days or even weeks, the randomness of life can seem like a vicious pattern out to get you.
And I maybe I am out of line, but I think islanders complain more than others. Simply put, we have no control over the ferries. We could have had the best day in town. Everything smooth. Until we’re almost at Buckley Bay… light turns red … then lined up behind an idling diesel truck … number six going on, number 14 going off, and other side, ferry has mechanical issues. Breathe.
“Complaining is a universal behaviour. Everyone does it to different degrees,” says Robin Kowalski, a psychology professor at Clemson University in South Carolina. Kowalski, who’s spent over 20 years researching complaining, notes that “Clearly, we wouldn’t continue to engage in this behaviour if there weren’t some benefit to doing so. Sometimes it does make us feel better to express our dissatisfaction.”
Instead of venting from Buckley Bay to Gravelly Bay that afternoon, the great Stoic, Seneca, would have advised me to say, “I knew it” or “I expected it.” Yes, the universe is testing us. Not in the way we think but in developing our character. “Nothing needs to annoy you if you don’t add your annoyance to it.” Easy for you to say.
Years ago, an enterprising Will Bowen came up with a complaint free challenge. Simply buy one of his green complaint free bracelets, put on one wrist and switch the bracelet to the other whenever you complain in writing or verbally. Over 15 million have taken the challenge and not surprisingly, the average person took 245 days to complete the 21-day challenge. At $7.97 a bracelet, videos, books and speaking engagements, Bowen is not exactly a Stoic, but you have to give him credit for capitalizing on emotional dissatisfaction.
We all know the glass half full and the glass half empty types. Psychologist Guy Winch wrote of another type. The chronic complainer who sees: “A glass that is slightly chipped holding water that isn’t cold enough, probably because it’s tap water even though I asked for bottled, and wait, there’s a smudge on the rim, too, which means the glass wasn’t cleaned properly and now I’ll probably end up with some kind of virus. Why do these things always happen to me?”
A Stoic would see a glass of water and view it with gratitude, as a gift of nature. And George Carlin: “I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.”
Which one are you?
