Trigger warning: Bodily functions described in Rabelaisian detail.
When I think about Guinness World Records, I think of such feats as the tallest building, the shortest man, or the most tattooed person. As their website attests, the record title must be measurable, breakable, standardisable, verifiable, and truly the best in the world. All new record titles are assessed on values of integrity, respect, inclusiveness and passion. Breaking records is a very serious business.
Let’s start with the record for loudest female burp. In 2023, Kimberly “Kimycola” Winter of Maryland, released a belch that was measured at a whopping 107 decibels – about as loud as a chainsaw at full throttle. Winter told Guinness World Records she had coffee and beer with her breakfast to ensure maximum volume, which was just short of the 112.7-decibel male burp record.
And the other end? In 2016, a 46-year-old Welshman named Chris Chittick farted on the set of Guinness World Records at an ear-splitting 160 decibels – louder than a Boeing jet engine. The fart was “induced” by drinking three litres of beer.
The longest-working flatulist, Mr. Methane (Paul Oldfield), of Cheshire, UK, started his illustrious “controlled anus voicing” back in 1991. He discovered his superpower as a teenager doing some yoga exercises with his sister and realized that he could inhale and exhale through both orifices while doing the Full Lotus. Like any teenager, the next day Paul shared his newly-discovered talent with his classmates and let loose twenty rapid-fire farts in under a minute.
Oldfield eventually became a train driver, but soon decided there was more to life than waking up at 3:00 am to drive a train, and went into the methane business full time. Indeed, passing gas can be a lucrative career path. He has performed his “fart artistry” at the world’s top comedy festivals in Montreal, Melbourne and Edinburgh, and at many public and private shows. Mr. Methane has also showcased his “performance farting” on TV and radio and even on Broadway during his explosive career.
You definitely have to have a cheeky sense of humour when you are in this line of business and Oldfield does not hold back. There was the time he crashed the auditions of Britain’s Got Talent, fulfilling a lifelong dream of aiming his rear end at host Simon Cowell while farting out a rendition of “The Blue Danube.” In the 90s, Mr. Methane performed a parody of Phil Collins’ song “In the Air Tonight” titled “Curry In the Air Tonight.” Tony Smith, Collins’ business manager, was not amused.
He’s very prolific. You can purchase (among other things) online, “Mr. Methane’s Fart in a Jar” with a signed certificate of authentication. Perfect gift for those who have everything. It even includes a short video of Mr. Methane doing the deed into your personalized jar before sealing it! Only £74.95 ($127.37 C) with “colon coughs guaranteed 100% genuine”!
Fartists, flatulists, or farteurs have been around as early as the 12th century. The most notable, include Roland le Petour, also known as Roulandus le Fartere, from the court of English King Henry II. A court jester, Roland’s feat was simply to deliver daily, a jump, a whistle, and a fart, and for this he was rewarded with a manor and 30 acres in Suffolk. France’s Le Pétomane (“gas maniac”), shot jets of water from his posterior aperture as part of his “rectal breathing and musical anus” act. From 1887 to 1914 , the farteur amused audiences blowing out candles, playing the flute, and “smoking” cigarettes.
In 2018, Mr. Methane contacted Guinness World Records and asked to have his attempt at the most farts in one minute be recorded. He aimed for 50, but reportedly managed 86 instead. This wasn’t his first try at getting his skill into the record book. He contacted them in 1990 as well, but back then this superhero ability wasn’t something Guinness exactly wanted to be associated with.
It’s all about acoustics. The perfect fart acoustically contains lots of “low-frequency, resonant gas released into a reverberant environment – like a tiled bathroom.” While everyone farts, some like Mr. Methane, have perfected the art of super-loud flatulence through diligent practice and absolute control over their gas flow and sphincter. By moving his buttock cheeks, the entertainer has learned to alter the tone and pitch of his flatulence, allowing him to perform his Rabelaisian musical repertoire.
Ready to break a wind record? Just remember that gas quantity and pressure create louder volumes and a tighter seal boosts velocity.
